Welcome to week 8 of the official r/NFL Power Rankings! Happy Halloween everyone, ready for some spooky trades? Josh Dobbs will look to transform Minnesota back into contenders, while Montez Sweat will transform 2-6 Chicago into…? Will Purdy bounce back after a month of 4th quarter mistakes? After their mile high loss can Kansas City shake it off? Is there any clear cut top team? Discuss! 32/32 Reporting

1. | | Eagles | +1 | 7-1 | With the Phillies knocked out and the Sixers sending Harden to the retirement home that is the Clippers, Nick Sirianni is running out of pandering graphic tees, resorting to a plain Flyers logo or, and this is not made up: a fake logo for Dom, their celebrated head of security. Yes, the Eagles are the main attraction in town, and it showed this week: despite two fumbles inside the 5 and trailing for much of the game, the birds found a way to make the final minutes of their game in Landover relatively stress-free. Thanks to another dominant performance from AJ Brown, who is continuing his historic run, the offense was able to overcome those early mistakes to come back, icing the game with a late Swift TD. Yes, the defense that trounced the NFL’s top offense a week ago let Sam Howell look like Tom Brady for much of the matchup, but made a play, a late interception, when it mattered. Looking ahead, the Eagles have a tough upcoming schedule starting against the red-hot Cowboys. Eagles fans are just hoping Nick will continue to leave the t-shirts out of this matchup.
2. | | Ravens | +1 | 6-2 | Home sweet home. Somehow, some way the Ravens have escaped a trek from Cleveland to Pittsburgh to London to Baltimore to Arizona with a 4-1 record. After a trouncing of the Lions the Ravens, somewhat expectedly, didn’t look nearly as sharp on the road in Arizona this week but they found a way to get the job done and in the NFL that’s all you can do some days. While many fans are still begrudging frustrating losses to the Colts and Steelers the team’s in a great position at 6-2. Up next is an absolutely critical 3 game home stretch against the Seahawks, Browns and Bengals. With Cincy quickly regaining form the Ravens need to hold serve and win at least 2 of the next 3.
3. | | Chiefs | -2 | 6-2 | Rats started being used in biomedical experiments during the early 19th century. There are a number of reasons for this, cost of maintenance and an eerily similarity to human biology at the top of the list. In part due to those early lab rats and their domestication process, we have become incredibly familiar with the species. They are surprisingly social animals with an immense play drive. When two lab rats are introduced to each other they frequently begin to play fight early on. In these fights the bigger of the two lab rats almost always wins, which is intuitive enough I suppose. The interesting thing is that if the bigger rat always wins, the smaller of the two rats will eventually stop trying to play at all, and the bigger rat stops having fun as a result. This has led to an interesting phenomenon where the bigger rat will occasionally allow the smaller rat to win in order to keep them interested in playing and to allow the games to continue into the future.
4. | | Dolphins | +1 | 6-2 | It wasn’t an easy, but a win is a win. The Patriots did a great job in coverage forcing Tua to think about where he wanted to go with the ball, but Tua still had an excellent day throwing for over 300 yards 3 TDs and one INT in a 31-17 win over the Pats. Jalen Ramsey had his long-awaited debut and did not disappoint. He picked off Mac Jones after making a great read on the QB leaving his man to swoop right in front of a different receiver for the interception. The team now turns its attention to the Kansas City Chiefs for a quasi-primetime game in Germany. Both teams are very motivated for this game as the Chiefs will be trying to bounce back from an embarrassing loss to the Broncos, while the Dolphins will be trying to prove they can hang with and beat great teams too. If Xavien Howard and Jevon Holland both play, it’ll be the first time all season that our defense will be playing at full strength. It should be the game of the week.
5. | | Lions | +1 | 6-2 | MNF produced a dominant Lions performance everywhere but the box score. Jahmyr Gibbs alone outgained the entirety of the Las Vegas Raiders, and the Lions defensive line had the highest pressure rate in an NFL game since 2018, pressuring Garoppolo on a whopping 71.4% of dropbacks (shoutout Alim McNeill for wrecking the interior) and notching 6 sacks and 9 QB hits. If not for an extreme aversion to scoring TDs when they got to the redzone (last night alone dropped them five spots in red zone efficiency rankings), this game could have easily been a 30-40 point victory margin. The Detroit Lions are now 6-2 and the current 2 seed in the NFC, and are heading into their bye itching to heal up some key contributors. David Montgomery, Jonah Jackson, and Frank Ragnow are all looking to be on track to return to the lineup week 10 against the LA Chargers, providing a lethal boost to their run game with Gibbs and Montgomery hopefully playing their first fully healthy game together since the absolute drubbing of Green Bay.
6. | | Jaguars | +1 | 6-2 | The Jaguars would rather you pay them no notice. Don’t look at the fact that they currently hold the league’s longest active win streak. Give no attention to the destructive 2.3 takeaways per game they average. Disregard that they’re one of the least penalized teams in the league. Ignore the touchdown machine ETN has become. Never mind that the Jaguars continue to find ways to win games even should they make ugly mistakes. Oh, you are paying attention? Seems you already know: The future is feline. 😼
7. | | Cowboys | +1 | 5-2 | Who had “Bones Revenge Game” on their bingo card? Anyone? This was another wonderful three phase victory. Special teams blocked a kick and broke off a big return, Daron Bland got ANOTHER pick six, and Ceedee Lamb tied him for the team lead in touchdowns. The team got right, and now they are on to Philly.
8. | | Bills | +1 | 5-3 | The Bills let this game get closer than it had any right being, but there’s still plenty of positives to be taken away. The offense was humming for the first time in a few weeks, putting up 427 total yards. Unfortunately, it didn’t translate into points on a few drives —an issue Buffalo’s had since last season. With all that being said, this game felt like the Bills finding their stride again, and hopefully they’ve found it, with a Monday night matchup against the red-hot Bengals slated for week 9.
9. | | 49ers | -5 | 5-3 | The niners secondary was carved up for the second straight week, this time by a finally healthy Joe Burrow. Yet again, the run game was uneffective, putting lots of pressure on Purdy to keep drives going. The second year QB was able to move the chains for most of the game, but again had costly turnovers late to kill momentum. The bye week has come at the right time, hopefully giving the team the time necessary to fix the weaknesses that have surfaced the last three weeks.
10. | | Seahawks | – | 5-2 | It was an awesome week for Seahawks rookies, with both Jake Bobo and JSN finding the endzone. After a blazing hot start, the Seattle offense cooled significantly beyond the first quarter. Geno had some off throws, particularly when targeting DK Metcalf. The ground game was uncharacteristically quiet. The Browns defense deserves a ton of credit; they kept Cleveland in this game. On the defensive side, it was more of the same from the Seahawks defense. Tariq Woolen and Devon Witherspoon have been a pretty dominant duo, and the defense has been absolutely humming since Jamal’s return a few weeks ago. Boye Mafe has developed into a hell of an edge if the beginning of the season is any indication. And finally… Welcome to Seattle Leonard Williams!
11. | | Bengals | +1 | 4-3 | The Bengals finished their season sweep of the NFC West on Sunday, but now need to do what they haven’t done yet this year, beat an AFC team. Sunday Night Football against the Bills is looming, and although it’s too early in the season to call anything a must-win, the game does have huge playoff implications for both teams.
12. | | Browns | -1 | 4-3 | Kareem Hunt was left absent in the latter part of the week eight loss to the Seahawks, having fans ask why take your foot off the gas when you’re about to cross the finish? Seattle scored a late TD to win. Watson was yet again sidelined with a shoulder injury. The Browns will face the, frankly, terrible Cardinals next week.
13. | | Chargers | +6 | 3-4 | The Chargers finally gave their fans what they wanted: a boring ass game. No praying your fingers hoping that the opposing kicker misses heart races. No watching the rookie QB drive towards the endzone as your blood pressure skyrockets. No 4th-and-Staley moves late in a tight game that drive made Rex Ryan lose his mind. Just a normal ass comfortable win. No one hands out cookies for beating a D2 rookie QB in his 2nd start, but screw you guys. We’ll bake our own cookies. You don’t have Chargers PTSD like we do.
14. | | Saints | +7 | 4-4 | Saints are .500 on the season, fans have no idea what to make of them, Derek Carr is a rollercoaster, Dennis Allen continues to be middling. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
15. | | Steelers | -2 | 4-3 | Credit where credit is due - The Jaguars playoff dreams can melt steel beams. The former AFC Central rival Jags really are looking up and the Steelers caught them on their way to establishing an impressive 2023 resume. Losing Pickett and Fitzpatrick to injury was a devastating blow, especially on a short week with Thursday Night Football coming up. Pittsburgh needs a quick turnaround. They have to shake this loss off and figure out how to put together a solid challenge to a Titans team who have still not won consecutive games this season. Coming off of a win against a tenacious Falcons team, Tennessee are not only an old AFC Central rival who have broken Steel City dreams of their own, but also could start their own upward climb with a win against this Steelers team.
16. | | Jets | +2 | 4-3 | The Jets have three extremely improbable victories and have really only outplayed one team for 4 quarters. But here they are at 4-3 on a 3 game winning streak. Jet fans can’t help but imagine where this team would be with Rodgers. Everyone keeps saying Zach Wilson is playing better, and I guess there’s some truth to that, but the Jets are still a bottom 5 offense no matter how you slice it. Three of the next four Jets games are nationally televised so I hope you guys are excited for more Zach.
17. | | Buccaneers | -2 | 3-4 | The new nickname for Todd Bowles should be Nilmot. The man is a reverse Tomlin. While the Steelers’ coach finds a way to keep a winning record even with the shittiest squads, Mr. Nilmot finds a way to have a losing record even with solid players. After finishing 8-9 with Tom Brady as his QB, Nilmot’s squad managed to be utterly outclassed against the Bills to drop below .500 in a game that was definitely not as close as the score indicates. This was Nilmot’s 53rd loss as a head coach in his career against 35 wins. By the time the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play their next game, they would’ve had a streak of 35 days without a win. Congrats on the one month win-sobriety chip!
18. | | Texans | -2 | 3-4 | There’s no sugar coating it, that was a bad game. While all the attention has been paid to the rookies on the field, there’s also a rookie Head Coach and Offensive Coordinator. Bobby Slowick will probably be under the microscope a bit this week as he had no answers for what the Carolina defense was throwing at him and it showed with an ineffective run game (that’s becoming worryingly common) and passing plays that rarely were able to get a receiver open. If there was a bright spot, the defense was able to combine for 6 total sacks on Bryce Young.
19. | | Rams | -5 | 3-5 | Pain. There have been a lot of would/coulda/shoulda’s during this season, but when you have a young and inexperienced squad with little depth, it makes little mistakes, injuries, and disadvantages more difficult to overcome. There have been flashes of potential—which has increased expectations—but 2023 will not be the year they are capitalized upon.
20. | | Falcons | -3 | 4-4 | Most important takeaway from Sunday’s game is Grady Jarrett tearing his ACL, the organization has already traded Philadelphia for a replacement. The dropoff without Grady was noticeable and drastic, and the best case for this defensive unit is significant growing pains. Injuries never hit at the “right” time, but this defense needs to be firing on all cylinders to prop up whatever weekly issues pop up with the offense. What will happen next week against Minnesota? Bijan’s targets/carries under 10 total on the day? An under utilization of various other high investment skill positions? With Arthur Smith everything is probable until proven otherwise.
21. | | Vikings | -1 | 4-4 | It is fitting for Kirk Cousins’ season to end all too early on an Achilles tear — As once Achilles chose to go down in a blaze of glory, so falls Cousins at his peak; as once Achilles, in his rage, slew so many Trojans that the very river cried out as corpses choked its streams, so Cousins left opposing backfields in carnage. We come to bury Cousins. Yet, in a greater sense, it is not Cousins whom we bury, but ourselves. For in our mourning we, the living, continue our inexorable death march towards senescence, while Cousins, though fallen, achieves an apotheosis into legend. And so we bury our dead, our grandparents, parents, siblings, and – ineluctably – ourselves; and yet the sun keeps rising and setting madly on. Are the heavens deaf and dumb to our cries, going through their motions as the inanimate reflex of our dead gods? Or do they hear us, and their carrying on is their response for us to go and do likewise? Only the dead, whose legends carved themselves into our constellations – like Achilles, like Cousins – know.
22. | | Titans | +3 | 3-4 | The Titans game against the Falcons saw the first career start for the rookie out of Kentucky, Will Levis. Donning the beautiful Oiler throwback uniforms, Levis put on a show joining Fran Tarkenton and Marcus Mariota as the third QB to put up four touchdowns in his rookie debut. With a short week, Levis will likely start in Pittsburgh on Thursday and will have the opportunity to show more dynamic throws down the field and expand his game with more intermediate passing.
23. | | Colts | -1 | 3-5 | Welp. Tony Brown had one of the worst games you’ll ever see from an NFL cornerback, and Indy gave up at least 37 points for a third straight game (all losses). The Colts are the only team to score 20+ points in every game this season, yet they have the worst point differential in their division and are two games under .500 after starting 3-2. Losing Anthony Richardson was a major blow, yes, but this Indy defense is now taking the Colts out of more games than it’s keeping them in. Gardner Minshew’s carelessness with the football (9 turnovers in 3 games) certainly isn’t helping, but he’s also not the one giving up 153 yards and a TD on three catches to… *checks notes*… Rashid Shaheed. A top-10 pick is not out of the question at this point.
24. | | Commanders | – | 3-5 | Is the spirit of a football franchise like a ghost, imprinted on a place, a concept even? It’s the strangest phenomenon that basically not a single person from 2016 is left involved with this team, but the team looks unchanged, unaltered. 2011, same. 2006, same. It’s enough to loosen my grip on reality and makes me start to wonder if the program that injected the procedurally generated memories into my brain lazily repeated the same cycle of events with just enough change that could reasonably convince me I’m having a unique experience; but I’m left with that uncanny pit in my gut telling me something about this is wrong. Like I’m looking at a family photograph but I can’t definitively tell you the person in it that looks like me, is actually me. 2023 is another season where a few players look individually good, but the team just can’t get it together. Whether it’s some key roster failures, or awful coaching, or terrible luck, this team just looks like the Ghosts of Washington past: Perennial lingerers toward the mid-bottom of the league who occasionally let their NFL worthy roster steal a game, but most of the time just serve as the faceless, textureless enemies beaten by some other main characters in the plot… is anything left of the legacy of this once dominant franchise? Swept by the Eagles, with 2 games still to come against the dominant Cowboys, the season is all but over for this team. If there are fans left who care enough to be bothered by it, the sting is surely worsened by having to watch division “rivals” look like world beaters for another year, while this team floats listlessly in mediocrity for decades at a time. In years past, I might have started to feel nervous that the Eagles or Cowboys might actually win the whole thing. At this point, my apathy expects nothing less and has long since accepted it. You’d think me sad or upset about this, but it’s truly that I can’t be bothered to care. Why should a Division 2 team be upset that Georgia won the championship; it’s not like we were ever in contention for it. And this team is truly not in contention for anything meaningful this year. You’ll note fans of the team are already buckling up their annual off-season armor of “well at least the QB looks good” or “hey we get to draft high” or “surely the owner will fire the coach”; These are echoes of the past reverberating in the present, nothing more. Funny how something as silly as a game where an inflated bag of skin is flung around to men in padding can reconnect you to the nihilistic feeling of meaninglessness. But at least Sam Howell looks good, we’ll surely draft high, and the owner is sure to fire the coach…
25. | | Broncos | +5 | 3-5 | At about 4:30pm eastern on Sunday October 29th, I noticed that there was no game thread for the Chiefs game on r/taylorswift. Did this mean she wouldn’t be at the game? The Broncos scored on their first possession. At 4:35, as a joke, I messaged my football friends group chat: “Taylor Swift isn’t in Denver, so if we win I will listen to all her albums and write a review for each song.” If she skipped the game and thereby granted us a win, I’d owe her this. The Broncos held the Chiefs to a field goal on their first possession. I was not concerned. At the beginning of the second quarter, our defense forced a turnover and Russell Wilson delivered a deep strike to Jerry Jeudy, who followed that up with a touchdown reception a couple plays later. I was not concerned. Halfway through the 4th quarter, our defense prevented Patrick Mahomes from scoring a touchdown on 4th and 2. “Uh oh.” I texted my group chat. They asked me if I knew how many albums Taylor Swift had. I guessed five. I was wrong. With 5:39 remaining in the 4th quarter, Patrick Mahomes was sacked by his own lineman, ending their must-score drive to stay in the game. Some said the loss was due to Mahomes having the flu, but I knew it was because of her. Shortly after the game I made a post on r/taylorswift, explaining the monumental task at hand. By the end of the week, I needed to write a review of every Taylor Swift song. To make matters more difficult, I had no subscriptions to any music streaming platforms because I…don’t listen to music. At all. Thanks to many fine and helpful Swifties, I’ve been set up with couple spreadsheets and guidance on how to tackle all 200+ songs written by this popular blond woman. All this week, it is my burden to honor those careless words I uttered in passing on that fateful Football Sunday. I don’t write horror stories for losses, but some might say I’m living the worse outcome.
26. | | Packers | -3 | 2-5 | Congrats to Rashan Gary, the best player on the 2023 Packers, for signing a 4 year, 107 million dollar extension! Maybe by the end of the contract we’ll have receivers that actually run the correct routes, a defensive coordinator that doesn’t want to make me gouge my eyes out, and all those project picks we’ve made in the last two years or so blossom into quality players, just like you did! Anyways there was a game this week and the Packers did poorly. Get well soon Kirko!
27. | | Patriots | -1 | 2-6 | I planted three Hickory saplings in Autumn 2022, and I watched them carefully to see if they would wake up in the Spring 2023. Many of my other trees budded and produced leaves a month before the Hickories showed any signs of life, but after a long period absent of hope, a sudden spurt led to a productive summer of growth. It may seem like the local 53 will never wake from their slumber. After the sacrificial Bison feast, they seemed to shrivel away from the South Florida sun in a familiar pattern of anti-clutch execution. Have faith though, my friends. We’ve got them all right where we want them! Consult your almanac. The conditions ahead seem favorable for a surprise mid season growth spurt. It is clearly far from guaranteed. Sparks of stardom seem subject to voodoo curse of injury around here. This team may simply be the get-right game for other terrible teams, but the story is not yet written. A little momentum can go a long way at the right time of year. Get your eyes off the draft order. There will be plenty of time for that down the road. Look instead at the record of the current 6 and 7 seed in the AFC. I am nothing if not stalwart. Hickory trees along with Oaks are the apex species of Northeastern forest ecosystems, supporting extensive biodiversity of creatures big and small once they reach maturity.
28. | | Raiders | -1 | 3-5 | Bring back the overhead projector, Mark. Make your father proud.
29. | | Bears | – | 2-6 | The Bears lost a road game where they were 10 point underdogs - okay, makes sense, let’s move on. What is going on with this team? Is there a coherent long term plan for next season? Is there even a coherent plan for THIS season? GM Ryan Poles doesn’t seem to want to extend talented (but sometimes injured) CB Jaylon Johnson, who is only 24, and has let him seek a trade - a decision that has many fans irate. But he also traded for DE Montez Sweat. Presumably an extension is imminent - so why won’t Poles also invest in homegrown talent and reward a player who, frankly, has had no reason to play hard over the past two seasons? Either way, these moves seem to imply that Poles will be around for at least another year. To add to the fun, there are rumors swirling about Bears’ coaches “throwing Fields under the bus” by discussing his obvious weaknesses with media members. And now Fields’ has been already ruled out against the Saints after optimism about his recovery timeline last week. At least last season’s bad news Bears were fun to watch. This is just mostly sad.
30. | | Giants | -2 | 2-6 | There is a special pain when the team you root for loses a game in which they had every opportunity to win. This loss falls on the coaching staff, for putting an injured kicker out there on 4th and 1 (twice) and for having a Plan B at QB that they had absolutely zero trust in to throw the ball. Why even have that player on the roster at all? Alas, another L for Big Blue and fans are already looking toward the draft; the trade of Leo to Seattle means NYG will have some extra draft capital come spring. Until then, though, the slog continues. Daniel Jones’ return is sure to be a welcome one after the offensive product put on the field Sunday.
31. | | Cardinals | – | 1-7 | You’re still here? It’s over. Go home. Go. There’s really not much of a point to watching unless you’re the most diehard fan. Or you really like Michael Wilson, Trey McBride, or Kyzir White and want to watch them develop. Like I said last week, Kyler might play this week. He might not. We know for sure Dobbs isn’t anymore. Last minute update We know for sure it ain’t Dobbs now!!
32. | | Panthers | – | 1-6 | IT HAS HAPPENED! The Carolina Panthers have gotten their first win of the season! The Thomas Brown era has begun and so far it is going well. Going into this game, it was inevitable that the Bryce Young vs CJ Stroud narratives would be all the rage. Since the Panthers won, you could say Bryce also won that battle but ultimately both QBs are going to be bright spots for the NFL and it was great to see. This was by far Bryce’s best game of the season. He showed poise, threw good balls, and was able to drive the team down the field for the game winning field goal made by Eddy Pinero. The Texans tried their hardest to disrupt the kick by going offsides not once, not twice, but three times. Ultimately it didn’t matter as Eddy had that ice in his veins on a hot Charlotte day. The Panthers still have some woes but they looked better offensively than they have all season. Chubba was a force again and it seems as if he’s the first option for now. Miles Sanders does not look 100% and his production is lacking. Our sole TD was Bryce to Tremble, which was shocking but no complaints over here. Like I said last week, we had nowhere to go but up and we did just that. The OL still needs to protect Bryce better. He was sacked six times. That needs to tighten up from virtually the same OL as last season. The offense still seems like there is more to unlock and if Bryce has a bit more time, maybe that would open things up a bit. Regardless I am not upset after that game. The Colts are coming to Bank of America next Sunday and this is another winnable game. If Brown can call a good offensive game and our injury riddled defense can get the stops they have continued to get, I feel good about our chances. Feels good to be 1-0 in our last one game. Keep Pounding.