I found this song a few weeks ago and listen to it often because I enjoy the singer. But the lyrics remind me of this community so much. The whole song is what what bell hooks termed ‘acts of soul murder’.

Therapist John Bradshaw explains the splitting that takes place when a child learns that the way he organically feels is not acceptable. In response to this lesson that his true self is inappropriate and wrong, the boy learns to don a false self. Bradshaw explains, “The feeling that I have done something wrong, that I really don’t know what it is, that there’s something terribly wrong with my very being, leads to a sense of utter hopelessness. This hopelessness is the deepest cut of the mystified state. It means there is no possibility for me as I am; there is no way I can matter or be worthy of anyone’s love as long as I remain myself. I must find a way to be someone else—someone who is lovable. Someone who is not me.”

Lyrics:

I see a boy with a big guitar
And though he can’t quite reach the notes
Still he sings with all his heart
The saddest words he knows

There’s a weakness behind his eyes
He’s supposed to never show
I can see how hard he tries
To let it all go

Hold it back, keep it in, let it die
Son, have you ever seen a real man cry?
I promise you the world will never ever really understand

Another tear goes up in flames
And the sadness leaves him burning
But it’s hard to fight the shame
So a tear goes up in flames

I see a man with a crooked smile
It’s like he’s too afraid to feel
And so the wound he tries to hide
Just won’t let him heal

Brush it off
You do whatever it takes
No one wants to see a strong man break
It’s easier to love a man
Who never ever really made mistakes

The boy grows up
And he writes one more song
The most heartfelt song that he’s ever sung
And it sets him free
To let his biggest hero die young

Another tear goes up in flames
And the sadness leaves him burning
But it’s hard to fight the shame
So a tear goes up in flames

Another tear goes up in flames
And the sadness leaves him burning
But it’s hard to fight the shame
So a tear goes up in flames

A final tear goes up in flames
All the sadness had him learning
He doesn’t have to fight the shame
A final tear goes up in flames