Earlier today I was replaying FC3 weed mission when a thought dawned upon me, you know this flamethrower kinda sucks at killing people. Actually most do when I think about it, why is that? What followed was several hours of time I could’ve spent studying or hanging out with friends wasted on figuring out why video games almost never get flamethrowers right, and I think I figured it out.

The main problem with flamethrowers in video games, is that they are treated as guns with a hard limit on range and a DOT effect, instead of the fire spewing monsters that they are. But how does one design a good, nay, the perfect flamethrower? Well after much consideration here’s what I came up with:

1. Range. It mustn’t be a melee weapon, the range shouldn’t be long but it also shouldn’t require that I be in make out distance of the enemy
2. Projectile speed. I shouldn’t be required to compestate for projectile speed at such a close distance
3. Size and speed. A falmethrower should basically be an mingun-shotgun hybrid, at least in terms of how its bullets work, it should shoot fast making it easier to just wave it around while lighitng everything on fire, and use shotgun pellet type projectiles as they best simulate a large ball of burning napalm capable of hiting multiple enemies at once.
4. DOT. It should be permenant unless whoever is burning actively does something to put it out, and it should have a disabling effect, preferably with some loud screams and lot’s of running about and rolling on the floor
5. Enviromental fire. fire should stick to burnable surffaces and if possible spread and destroy them.

With all that out of the way, which game do you think does flamthrowers best? My votes going to Enlisted.