There’s enough doom & gloom posts here concerning the recent injuries and upsets, let’s have a bit of harmless fun and speculate for a second.
You just sold your soul to guarantee the 49ers a 100-0 victory in the Super Bowl, who are the opponents, and why?
Road wins against:
Wildcard Round – The Seattle Rain City Bitch Pidgeons. Score: 42-13. The same score as our road loss in 2012.
Divisional Round – The Dallas Cow patties. Score: 28-27: Brock Purdy finds George Kittle in the back corner of the endzone on a jump pass with 0:59 left on the clock.
NFC Championship – The Philadelphia Brother Lovers. Score 40-8. The exact same score as the 1994 game, but reversed. Nick Sirianni blows up on the sidelines at his own QB, after which the fans storm the field and vomit all over their team.
Super Bowl – The Kansas City "we don’t care about your legal history" team. Score 31-20. The opposing team has a 10 point lead with 7 minutes left, but the 49ers drop 21 unanswered points while breaking every rule in the NFL rule book – with zero flags called. Brock Purdy is the new Reebok spokeperson. Pat Mahomes is relegated to promoting the Women’s FILA shoes division.