Hello, please take this list as my official application to be a part of the New England Patriots front office staff. I cannot imagine my advice can be any worse than our drafting / FA record the last 5-10 years, so feel free to contact me at definiteltynotrexryan@yahoo

Let’s start with the FA since FA fun happens before the draft. I know you’re all gonna be upset early with my QB pick but take an ambien and skip ahead to the draft portion before you start freaking out.

We have 100+ million to spend next year. Here’s where I will spend it.

SPEND QB: Kirko Chainz is a no brainer here, if possible. I will hear no blasphemy. Accurate, on time, doesn’t turn the ball over, and he’s a locker room leader. Period. Alternative: Baker Mayfield doesn’t give a fuck and he’ll ball out. It may not be perfect, but we won’t be bored watching. Mac Peashooter Jones can sit on the bench and improve or get traded for peanuts at this point.

SPEND WR: Tee Higgins, Mike Evans, Calvin Ridley, Pittman Jr. All four of these guys are perimeter guys with size and speed. There’s no way we can’t pay for one of these guys to pair with MHJr and Douglas in the slot.

Don’t overspend TE: Dalton Schultz. Dude is a good red zone target, and can help block in the run game. Not always flashy, but reliable. I’d be fine with keeping Pharoh Brown on the cheap as well.

Henry’s receiving services will not be needed with our new acquisitions.

SPEND OL: Resign Trent Brown, resign Onwenu. That’s it. I don’t want to get in a spending war for Tyron Smith. Take who we know.

Don’t spend RB: Lots of vets in the pool. I like Zeke, but we could grab Derrick Henry and make him better Blount 2.0 as well. Barkley, pollard, ekeler are all UFAs as well if we wanted to get wild. I don’t want to spent a lot of money here personally as my spending heart lies in the next FA section.

SPEND Front 7: TONs of options here. We lack pressure, and I’m willing to pay for it. Fletcher Cox, Chris Jones, Danielle Hunter, Christian Wilkins, Josh Allen, Montez Sweat. Put the fear of God in these opposing quarterbacks and let our secondary reap the benefits.

Don’t overspend Corners : Gilmore is old, but affordable and still good. Give him the Revis deal and put him across from Gonzalez. We’ll have Marcus / Jon / Jones play CB3.

don’t overspend Safety: Re-sign Duggar if possible. If not, peppers and mills will make up the back 9 as well as a draft target.

I put heavy spend emphasis on: QB/WR/Ol/DL/OLB here. I think that will make the team much more competitive immediately.

ITS DRAFT TIME BABY. Emphasis on players who can help us win immediately. Fuck this rebuild shit, it’s been 5 years of rebuilding. It’s time to load up and ball out with our money and high draft capital.

I am assuming we miss out on the top 2 QBs and are at pick 3 (our current position.)

Round 1: MHJr - there is only one acceptable pick here. I will hear no other options or alternatives. You’re welcome.

Round 2. QB: McCarthy makes a lot of sense here if he’s available. If not, I can see a trade down a few spots and grabbing Bo Nix or Quinn Ewers.

Alternative: if McCarthy isn’t there and we don’t like Nix or Ewers, go Tackle and grab Patrick Paul or Tyler Guyton.

Round 3. OT: Zak Zinter if available would be a great grab in the 3rd. The talent this late certainly drops off.

Alternative: if we grabbed a Tackle with the 2nd we can grab Ewers, Nix, or Carson Beck for development for a couple years.

Round 4: WR: Jermaine Burton from Alabama is athletically gifted, from a good program, but is raw. He’ll have time to develop his rookie year behind vets/MHJ.

Alternative: if Burton is gone, I also like Brendan Rice.

Round 5-7: Grab a 3rd down back, an OT, and a TE. I don’t care where or which.

UDFA: cornerback for obvious reasons.

If I see a kicker, a punter, long snapper, or special teams ace in rounds 1-5 of the draft I’m going to write an assault allegation against Bill and get him fired.

Thank you for reading, I’ll let you know when 1 patriot place calls me up for an interview.