I asked the worlds smartest computer to predict the patch

The worlds most powerful computer has created a prediction of the next patch with 99.7% accuracy.

Note, this list is not in alphabetical order. I was never taught the alphabet and I refuse to learn.

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Dota 2 Patch 7.30.1 - Balance Notes

—Heroes—

Axe:

Counter Helix (E) now has a 100% chance to trigger on every attack and has an increased area of effect.

Clockwerk:

Power Cogs (W) now damage and push back enemies in a larger area. Clockwerk can also ride on top of his Power Cogs to chase enemies.

Io:

Relocate ® can now teleport the entire map to any other location on the map, swapping them entirely.

Invoker:

Invoke ® now has no cooldown. Invoker can chain-cast spells endlessly, but each spell cast after the first within 10 seconds costs an additional 50 mana.

Techies:

Techies now starts the game with 10,000 land mines scattered randomly around the map.

Oracle:

Removed from the game. Can he heard screaming at the edge of the map.

Rubick:

Spell Steal ® now allows Rubick to steal the abilities of other Rubicks in other games being played worldwide.

Lone Druid:

Spirit Bear ® now earns gold and experience separately from Lone Druid.

Pudge:

Meat Hook (Q) has been replaced with “Pudge’s Buffet.” Pudge can now eat trees, heroes, horses and even Roshan to gain temporary bonuses and unique abilities.

Faceless Void:

Chronosphere ® now freezes time for all players in the game, not just their heroes.

Tidehunter:

Ravage ® now creates a permanent tsunami that covers the entire map, dealing damage over time and creating impassable terrain.

Troll Warlord:

Battle Trance ® now affects all allied units and structures globally for its duration, effect is unchanged.

Spirit Breaker:

Greater Bash (Ability Rework):

Greater Bash now provides Spirit Breaker with a charge-based system. Each charge allows him to perform a Greater Bash that stuns and damages the target. Charges replenish over time. Max 16 charges.

Morphling:

Morph ® can now target an ally to temporarily merge with them, sharing health and abilities. Players must button mash to fight for control over the new entity.

-–Items—

Boots of Travel:

Teleport cooldown reduced to -1 second. You can now teleport to any point in time during the match in any parallel universe, past, present, or future.

Eul’s Scepter of Divinity:

Cyclone (Active) duration increased to 60 seconds. Cycloned units can now interact with each other.

Rapier Cannon:

New item. Allows you to fire a Divine Rapier at the enemy from long range. If it misses, it drops on the ground for anyone to pick up.

Black King Bar Rework:

Black King Bar (BKB) now has a built-in passive that grants the user a chance to evade incoming spells and attacks while the active is on cooldown.

Prism Shard:

New consumable item that grants the user a one-time ability to create a powerful prism that temporarily inverts vision, making everything that’s normally visible invisible and vice versa for a brief period.

Enigma’s Grimoire:

New Tier 5 neutral item that grants Enigma’s Black Hole ® the ability to absorb enemy projectiles and spells, converting them into additional damage upon detonation.

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Where is my patch? :(