I’ve lived in paris for 5/6 years, I was fluent when I arrived (years of international school) and my mom had already been living here for several years. Still, it was a big culture shock and adjustment and absolutely levelled up my French to the point where now French people usually assume I am from here.
The problem is even with all that, I just don’t feel at home. Some cultural differences feel insurmountable, the blasé and critical attitude is difficult for me, I’ve always been very high energy and jokey and have a hard time finding people in everyday life who match that energy. Whenever I go back to the states I feel so fulfilled and like myself and it really makes me question why I’m here. I have a very cool job in the non-profit sector, so not super well-paid, and a very stable loving relationship, my apartment, my mom… there’s still something where I feel like I’ll never fully be accepted here. I feel like my American-ness immediately puts me down in peoples’ eyes, I feel like I will never write perfectly or totally grasp codes and it will always take me a slight extra effort to understand things that are easy for people here. I don’t get cultural references and I don’t know the clichés of every tiny town and region.
I’m from New York so I liked living here because I felt that Paris was such a better cost of living/quality of life ratio, and I love the work-life balance and accessibility of culture. However, what use are my 5 weeks of vacation if I spend half of them going back home? And probably, I always will, because my missing home will never go away, my friends and family there will keep getting married or getting sick or just being there ?
And France’s descent into xenophobic fascism is not helping. I know all the issues in the US, but it’s different, I am from there and always will be, whereas I am actively choosing to live in France and contribute to its economy.
Just feeling like the jig is up and I did what I had to do, and now I can leave. This is just venting, don’t know if anyone here can relate, if this is a bump in the road or a red alert.
I totally empathize with you. Trust your gut. I’m British Canadian living in Montreal. I’ve lived here for 8 yrs, and though I appreciate the Europeanism and “refinement” of living here in the context of North America, I have never felt at home here for similar reasons. I’m semi fluent in French but, like you, don’t get a lot of the jokes or emphemisms. Also spend almost every week of my vacation back in London.
Staying here due to cost-of-living while grittingly accepting the xenophobic fascism, and ‘walking on eggshells’ for being English as if it’s a stamp of second class citizenry. If I had the money, I’d be planning my move already, but unfortunately, it’s convenience and lack of funds keeping me here.
If I had the money to move, I’d move back in a heartbeat. However, if you do choose NYC, there seems to be an insane housing crisis atm though I’m sure you already know! Good luck to you