I hate getting books for Christmas in general because I’m such a mood reader, and I’ve plastered a fake smile on my face many a time and repeated internally ‘Its the thought that counts.’ as I unwrap a book I will not read.
But the worst one by far, given to me by my own Mother , who I know loves me, when I was fourteen years old! was >!Men are from Mars Women are from Venus.!< I am sitting there horrified thinking what is she trying to tell me? As my sisters are flat on the floor laughing to the point of puking. We eventually came to the conclusion she just saw an attractive cover on a bestseller table and grabbed it. Love to know your terrible gift stories.
I had a stint in eating disorder treatment right before Christmas one year as a teenager. A couple in my extended family, who I have little in common with and don’t know very well, got me an ENORMOUS book of “positive thinking” platitudes. Genuinely it was ~500 pages of the kind of corny quotes you see MLM types post on Instagram ripped from their original context. I tried to comb through it to find something of value but not a single quote meant anything to me. A lot of them were religious too, and I am not religious- the atheism of my immediate family is actually a huge source of drama in the extended family so that was awkward.
I ended up giving it away to a book donation drive shortly after. They really did mean well and I appreciated the thought, but it also showcased the ignorance that my family had around the situation in an uncomfortable way…
God I hate that shit. I’ve had my own mental health issues and getting angry on my own behalf has dragged me out of more depressive holes that positivity ever did. I might do a self help book of my own. How to get angry and set boundaries by I Jackdaw.
Very glad you survived your dangerous illness.
I had a similar experience when I was in hospital as a teenager. A teacher gave me one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. I read it because I was beyond bored, and there was one story in there that particularly incensed me - a teacher gets her students to write down all the things they’re unable to do, makes them bury the lists in the playground, and holds a funeral for ‘I Can’t’. They create a tombstone for I Can’t and hang it on the classroom wall. After that, whenever a child said they couldn’t do something, the teacher would point at the wall and remind them that I Can’t was dead.
One of the biggest lessons I had to learn as a disabled kid (and just a human generally) was that everyone has limits and it’s more than OK to respect those. If I insist that my car is really a convertible submarine and insist on driving it into the Irish Sea, the car will not be inspired to develop these new capabilities. People are no different. Of course there will be times when self-doubt and low self-confidence keep you from things you could do, and of course it’s a good thing to overcome the feelings that hold you back, but there will be plenty of other times when saying ‘no’ is liberating rather than restricting.
In my old job I used to deliver teacher training from time to time, and I’d always tell participants to make sure they never tried to encourage any child with, “There’s no such word as can’t”…unless they could tell me, hand on heart, that they believed themselves capable of landing a principal role in the Bolshoi Ballet by next Wednesday. There was always laughter at that, but you could almost see the realisation dawning for some attendees.