I’ve had it bad for all the wrong girls since I was a kid and it’s all DeLisle’s fault. I swear I’m putting her in my note when the black hole finally calls me back.

It all started when I developed an unhealthy obsession with Azula at like age 12. Obviously this character is not meant to be romanceable in any way whatsoever but young me was smitten by the blue flames and the domineering attitude. I used to watch all her scenes on YouTube over and over again, draw her in my notebooks, and ogle every raven haired girl in my classes cause they reminded me of her. It was bad.

Another show I watched as a kid was The Fairly Odd Parents. Guess which fucking character got former me going? Not the nice, appropriately aged girls that Timmy always fell for, noooo, couldn’t be them. I somehow connected with Vicky who terrorized Timmy constantly. Don’t ask me why, maybe it’s just cause she reminded me of Azula subconsciously.

Then I watched Generator Rex. My obsession moved on to a total smoke show in that series named Doctor Holiday. She was at least a decent person but still incredibly damaged, aloof, and cold. I think you can see a pattern emerging here.

I watched The Clone Wars too. It wasn’t the same as the others, but Ventress was always too cool. I always felt they did her so dirty having her fail at almost every turn. The other night sisters were also cool af.

After screaming at Danny Phantom that Sam was right fucking there the whole time, I realized something might be wrong with my taste in women. The obvious pick for me was never who anybody else wanted, or who the writers tried to make desirable. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but after watching Invincible, I know now why I am the way that I am.

During this last episode, I couldn’t help but think, “Damn, that grey haired viltumite with the blade pony tail is fucking bad. I would 100% enslave Earth for a piece of that. She sounds familiar too … Maybe I should look up who plays her.”

I went down the rabbit hole and here we are. The same voice actor for every cartoon character that has ever tainted my sexuality. I know, I know, she plays plenty of good characters too, but let’s be real here. Nobody else plays a villain quite like her. And all the fucked up characters she plays are the hottest ones. She’s also played Catwoman and Black Cat multiple times, characters whose entire purpose in life is to tempt superheroes into trouble. She even plays the hottest fucking decepticon, Glowstrike. Don’t try to tell me this shit isn’t on purpose.

Grey DeLisle is an evil, evil woman, and I will never ever forgive her for making me like this unless she gives me her phone number.