Having not watched any Panthers games because they wouldn’t make my power rankings I think I can successfully diagnose everything wrong with the team while they are briefly in the spotlight!

Tepper is a bad owner and a very naughty boy for firing Frank Reich! Frank had clearly earned another few years to putter around. Just look how much week-to-week improvement I assume there has been. He’s been firing so many coaches lately. That’s a problem! Obviously, the problem isn’t hiring terrible head coaches, it’s firing terrible head coaches. Plus, he didn’t even keep around any of the interim head coaches! As we all know that happens all the time in the NFL!

Also Bryce Young is short! Have you seen him? He’s, like, so short! And as we all know that is the one statistic that matters for quarterback analysis. Just look at future hall-of-fame quarterbacks like Paxton Lynch (6’ 7") and JaMarcus Russell (6’ 6"). And let’s not even get into the titan that was 6’ 8" Dan McGwire, an all-time GOAT if ever there was one. There is no need to dig deeper into quarterback play. Football is a notoriously solo sport that is entirely determined by height. However, I think the real nail in the coffin is that no player has ever bounced back from a rough rookie season. Ever! And I defy you to find even a single example of a player who didn’t peak in their rookie season!

And now people are daring to question Scott Fitterer! Firstly the man has done nothing wrong in any way shape or form as general manager for the Charlotte Panthers! On every metric, the man is just a machine. Dead cap! Draft capital! Talent evaluation and acquisition! The man is just a machine! Now people want him gone! “cLeAn SlAtE!!!” they say, as if that’s even a thing! I’ll tell you what it really is! ORGANIZATIONAL CHAOS!

Anyway, that’s everything wrong with the Scarolina Panzers! And that’s more than enough time to think about this franchise. I’m off to write think pieces about the Eagles being overrated and the Chiefs being underrated!