Okay, this is more of a pet peeve than really anything else, but I hate jumpscares that have no purpose in horror games. As excellent as Alan Wake 2 is, the game is full of them, and they suck every single goddamn time. It’s a serious and extremely irritating complaint that I have with the game.

What makes a jumpscare work is also what makes them annoying. They’re cheap, sudden, loud and obnoxious. Pretty much what made FNAF popular since they make for great content for streamers but for someone just playing the game themselves, once you’ve seen one, you know to expect them and they lose all impact.

So, spoilers here on 'cause I’m going to talk about the worst part of the game about this, and there’s a lot so I’m not gonna hide it in black bars.

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Playing as Saga, once you hit the Valhalla Retirement Home in Act 4 or 5 (one of them, I can’t remember which) and see Cynthia Weaver for the first time (who they did dirty so badly), you are bombarded with jumpscares nearly every few minutes.

You see Cynthia? Jumpscare.

See Tor? Jumpscare.

Approach the door Tor went through? You betcha, jumpscare. Two literally within 30 seconds of each other.

Basement? Walking around the old-folk’s home after Tor goes for a swim? Approaching literally any location or item necessary for progression? Hell, even in the goddamn safezones? Jumpscares everywhere. You literally can’t walk in a straight line for more than 30 seconds without a jumpscare, and it’s infuriating.

The example section is a perfectly cromulent horror section without all the jumpscares. It’s got the atmosphere of an old house, the orange glows of ancient lamps mixed with the pale lights of TV static and the paranoid safety built by a woman obsessed, the creaking of old lumber, the groans of a man in fitful rest and Cynthia’s footsteps, crashing upstairs and whispering.

In the basement, the footsteps above, the swishing of water from things that definitely weren’t the player, the inky black lit only by the glow of the saferoom on the far end, the yellow cone of Saga’s torch and what little light bleeds around it and the projector (which didn’t seem to work for me, unfortunately) which does… Something, with a deeply disturbing music sting to accompany it.

Movement in your peripherals, noises where there definitely shouldn’t be noises, Odin’s panicked nightmares, the static from the TV downstairs, and the lights going out with a blown fuse to force the players into the basement… It’s all perfect for a scary, spooky section of gameplay… That’s utterly ruined by the constant abuse of jumpscares.

It’s by far the worst part of the game about this because the section is relatively long and so overcrowded with these cheap, dull, utterly useless scares that would serve better in a FNAF game in a weak attempt to boost the scariness of the section… That utterly does not need the help. A perfect example of why is right there, playing as Alan in the Dark Place. The enemies looking identical to the shadows that follow you around, idle and whisper at you is brilliant for creating tension and paranoia. You never know what might be an enemy and what might be harmless because they stick around in the light of your torch for just long enough to make you second-guess yourself every single time. Remedy knows how to do horror right, so why do they insist on using jumpscares when they clearly don’t need them?

A large part of the game is fairly jumpscare-free, but whenever they show up they’re so rarely actually surprising because you can see them coming a mile away. If anything, they’re about as scary as the random screaming in Postal 3. Just a loud, obnoxious noise and flashing images to spook the player like they’re some kind of farm animal. It’s utterly infuriating and the reliance on them as a tactic drags down what is such an excellent game. I really, really hope that Remedy adds an option to remove them in future, if not for accessibility for people with weak hearts, then just to experience the game without their obnoxious inclusion.