My dream car is a Candy paint blue ACR with two fat pintstripes nose to wing

Back in the late 90s to early 2000s, when I worked at Chrysler, I had this gig where I got to teach Chrysler engineers on the Viper and Prowler teams how to drive.

A buddy of mine was an “arrive and drive” event contractor, and when this event came up every year, he’d hunt down all the local Detroit hotshoes to serve as his instructors. We’d get paid $20 and spend the day hammering Vipers and Prowlers.

The deal was this: we show up first thing in the AM, Chrysler drops off whole bunch of Vipers and a handful of Prowlers, and we all take turns lapping to get to know the cars. The other intent here was to figure out what a “fast time” is, so that we were given a “go no faster than this” time (scaring students silly is not good for instruction).

Then the engineers would show up, and we’d pair up, show them a couple of laps (trying as hard as possible to get the time as close to, but not under, the “go no faster time”) then give them the wheel so they could try.

This would go on all day, then at 1700 or so, all the students would go home - but Chrysler would leave the cars with us. The gloves come off, and now we are beating the living shit out of those cars in a glorious orgy of “borrowed cars are faster” looking to set top time.

We’d stop at dusk, and Chrysler would pick up their cars and take them home.

I got to do this, I think four times? I set “fastest Prowler lap” twice, and I got into the top 5 Viper range a couple of times, which given that were about two dozen drivers (most of whom were very fast) I’m pretty proud of.

Viper is an absolute sledgehammer of a car. The limits are just ridiculously high in all directions - but it is also exceptionally unforgiving. The line between “I’ve got it” and “It’s got me” is very narrow, and while the car will absolutely tell you when it is at the limit, it doesn’t belabour the point the way a C5 Z06 does. It’s a “I told you so” car. If you can keep it on the happy side of the limit, it was the fastest car on the road at the time by a considerable margin, but it punished limit transgressions, where a Z06 just sort of wags its finger at you and tells you that you are naughty.

The single best thing Chrysler ever did to that car was put ABS on it. Pre-ABS, it was exceptionally hard to tell where the brake grip limit was and stepping over that line meant a slide. With ABS, you got physical warning about where the limit was, so you could push ever so much harder on corner entry without worrying that it was going to throw you into the weeds.

I always had an adaptive period during the morning, because my race car was turbo AWD and I drive PWM throttle like Senna. Viper cannot be driven that way; it demands “egg under throttle pedal” throttle technique, and that takes a little acclimatization. The first time I drove the GTS-R, I had a multiple-rotation exit off because of my overly energetic throttle foot.

This car is NOT a Miata.

I have so many stories about that gig, just one of the coolest things I ever got to do, and I LOVE that car. In a world of consumer-grade cordless drills, it is a Milwaukee Hole Hawg. But like the Hole Hawg, it demands skill and respect; there are no rounded corners or child-proofing on it at all.