I spent over $2k on a bike I never wish to ride.

I met my wife because I was flirting with this woman and then she left and my wife showed up and in my drunken state I thought she was the same girl I was talking to before so rizz was exceptional and I ended up keeping her after that night.

10 years later we got married last year! Woo! Embarrassment!

I’ve never learnt to dance

I post on Lemmy.

You know that scene with the guy on the castle wall in Monty Python and the Holy Grail that farts in your general direction?
Yeah, I giggled.

I was desperate enough to have sex with your mother.

I once bought an Xbox 360 to play Sonic 06 just to see how unfinished the game was for myself 😂