alternative post title: how can I grow a thicker skin, so I simply stop caring what my coworkers think or say?
I’m still looking for a drama free workplace and I don’t understand why people seem to enjoy creating chaos out of nowhere
Working in several industries, I’ve met:
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white Christian nationalist: too many Arabs and Mexicans in our country, somebody should send them all back to where they belong, and I’m very Christian. This was 5 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Why even tell this to a coworker?
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Married woman complaining to me about how her husband isn’t so affectionate nowadays: 2 minutes after meeting me for the first time. Who does that? Shouldn’t you tell this to somebody you trust, like a friend and not a stranger you met 2 minutes ago?
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An anti vaxxer trying to convert me to his cause, or however you want to call it.
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And just today: ‘it’s good that Trump was shot’ Why would a sane person blurt that out in the middle of our pause for everyone to hear you? Why do you need to antagonize your coworkers? This was a manager btw.
I have waaaaay more examples, but I’ll keep it simple.
I just want to work and go home. Completely drama free. I don’t want to care what coworkers think, but apparently I’m very thin skinned and I’m easy to be triggered. Each of the examples I wrote triggered me: I wanted to yell ‘fck off, you piece of sht, I don’t give a f*ck what you think, leave me alone’, or something like that. But I need the job.
My conundrum: If this happens at every workplace, wouldn’t it make more sense to stay with the devil you know?
Unless, of course, you’ve job hopped till you found a drama free workplace… please tell me how you did it.
I want to be the old guy who doesn’t give a f*ck about stuff like this, yet it still triggers me.
The only times I’ve ever had a drama free workplace was:
- At the beginning of my career when I was an intern. They didn’t care enough about me to include me in the gossip, and I was only going to be there for a few months anyway.
- When my last job started letting us work from home, so I was no longer stuck at a desk in a high traffic area where multiple people would stop and chat. Headphones with a mic were a godsend, because when someone would start to approach, I’d just smile and point at the mic. Kept a lot of the gossipers at bay, though not all. WTF eliminated all that, I was so happy I could finally just focus on my work and not get caught up in situations that didn’t even pertain to me.
As a student: No. lol
You could always just tell them to their face that you think them saying that makes you think they are racist, unfaithful, indoctrinated in misinformation, etc.or otherwise call out the behavior/comments as unacceptable in the workplace. Won’t necessarily make them reconsider their flawed ideals but can hopefully let them know that you don’t want to hear about it. I work remote now and that definetly cuts down on small talk in general. At a previous job some guy was deep in Christianity and was talking to me about how evolution just doesn’t make sense and God must be real because of it. I just brushed off and ignored comments like that because it wasn’t worth the hassle.
As someone said before it’s not directly a consequence of a workplace, it’s a part of interracting with a random selection of people from wildly different backgrounds.
Nod your head as if you weakly agree. Throw in a random opinion of your own, but I don’t recommend the extreme ones. Questions also work especially when they are seemingly neutral and cause doubt in the original speaker.
For example if a Christian nationalist starts hating on Mexicans don’t fall into the trap of repeating typical responses about respect for immigrants. Ask him how he reconciles that with the fact that Mexicans are predominantly Christians. Or something unexpected like that.
Removed by mod
If all men are not the same, neither are all women
Unfortunately this is everywhere. I work as a welder at a large shipyard, and we have the same drama.
We have a female welder who steals tools and personal items from others, then cries “Christian persecution” when she experiences any consequences for her actions. Shockingly, it works and she’s never punished or arrested. They do make her give the items back, so that’s something.
We have the MAGA crazies who vandalize company property with their dumb political / sexist / racist / homophobic crap. They just recently vandalized & destroyed one of the few female bathrooms with a sledgehammer. Shipyard police are still “*looking into it.” I now have to either use a gross porta-potty or walk a mile to use a real bathroom.
We have a ton of anti-vaxxers who believe some of the most batshit crazy things. Though, the more hard-core ones were fired some time ago. The ones who complied and wore a mask got to stay.
This is just human nature. This is what you get when you have two or more people together at one place.
If “politics is what happens when 3 or more people must make a decision”, drama will always follow. While there are careers that have less drama, there is no such thing as one without it. My suggestion: find allies. Not in an oppositional way, but in a way that they support you and your work. Think if someone were to call you an asshole in front of everyone else, your ally would stand up and say “no they aren’t”. If you work at a place where there is no such person, it is apathetic at best, and toxic at worst.
I’ve been working for almost 10 companies in 20 years, and I have only found 2 drama free workplaces so far. It’s random and I don’t think there are signs that could show you whether a job is good or bad.
Most HR people are happy when they hire you but it usually means nothing, sorry.
Last but not least, drama free could also mean “we’re gonna fire everybody in a few months,” which makes the choices more difficult to make.
do you have any advice for me, now that I’m applying and might work elsewhere? Is there anything I could ask during interviewing to indicate I loathe drama, people full of themselves talking politics or conspiracies or openly discussing how vaginas look like?
Maybe try to detect or feel if the person in front of you is really a nice person or if he’s faking it.
The last HR guy I met was so nice to me and enthusiastic that it was really suspicious. I had met real psychopaths before and I was careful. But in the end, he really wanted to take care of the coworkers, and it took me one whole month to understand this.