I’m not a therapist or any variety of professional on the topic. I will tell you it sounds unhelpful to remove emotions. I know there are similar practices in things like Stoicism. But many people take those practices to extremes. You don’t sound like you’re doing anything like 100% extreme about emotional suppression but you are probably overdoing it like 80% extreme. If that makes sense.

Emotions are useful. They’re informational reactions to the world around us. I’m an extremely emotional person (big happies, big mads, big sads, etc) and sometimes letting that loose is a huge problem. I can make myself physically sick if I don’t regulate my emotions and reactions. But I learned and practiced how to feel my emotions and then let them pass, rather than trying to stomp them out entirely. Which never really works. Suppression just pushes the problems to your future self. It’s not a relief or release.

So I guess I’m trying to say, you’re not at all wrong for what you’re trying to accomplish. But I think you’re probably not going to succeed or improve (in the way that you want) going about it the way you have been. I’d recommend finding counselors who understand how to teach effective emotional regulation techniques, or practice meditation.

Git gud scrub

Everyone I need to talk to is in my contacts. If you’re not in my contacts, my phone doesn’t even ring. You go straight to voicemail.

I was fine with phone calls when I was younger. Now it’s mostly spam robocalls or scammers or both. Nobody seems interested in solving those problems.

The term AI being used by corporations isn’t some protected and explicit categorization. Any software company alive today, selling what they call AI, isn’t being honest about it. It’s a marketing gimmick. The same shit we fall for all the time. “Grass fed” meat products aren’t actually 100% grass fed at all. “Healthy: Fat Free!” foods just replace the fat with sugar and/or corn syrup. Women’s dress sizes are universally inconsistent across all clothing brands in existence.

If you trust a corporation to tell you that their product is exactly what they market it as, you’re only gullible. It’s forgivable. But calling something AI when it’s clearly not, as if the term is so broad it can apply to any old if-else chain of logic, is proof that their marketing worked exactly as intended.

Happened to me when I was 18. I had severe Sun Poisoning (extreme allergic reaction to moderate sunburn) and not only was I inconceivably itchy, the pain I experienced was indescribable. Waves of pain so bad THROUGH MY ENTIRE BODY I could only scream and cry. I was shaking and incoherent. My mom was with me the whole day, and was the one who brought me to the hospital. Of course, with my behavior as extreme as it was, the hospital staff let me suffer very loudly in the emergency waiting room because they thought I was a drug addict. My mom, who has worked as a nurse, spent about an hour chewing people out left and right about the situation. I eventually got treated but that was probably the most traumatic experience I’ve gone through my whole life

SNES purchased by my parents in 1992.

An old blade server I was able to take from my very first job, state of the art for the time it was made around 2002. It’s still running and I’ve been using it as a media and hosting server for years despite how out of date the specs are now.