I’ve been saying this for years. A properly balanced body should contain equal parts blood, phlegm, yellow bile, and cemetery dust. Anything else is a nutritional deficiency.

If it’s a teenager … don’t look at it was just about as effective as the D.A.R.E. just say no line.

There were two young English teachers who came in my senior year who wore whale tails almost every day of the week. They were the source of many controversial arguments. Regardless, I overheard that they matched on a bonus at the end of the year because their courses had the best attendance record.