It sounds like your situation is similar to mine. My father is a sociopathic narcissist and I didn’t realize it until I was 30 when he effectively disowned me. It hurts to be rejected by a parent to such a degree and I was pretty depressed for a while, but it helps to know that he suffers from a mental illness. Knowing this also helped me to disown him, in turn. He was always toxic and harmful and I find now that I am happier without him in my life.
I do often wonder in what ways my life may have been better had I had a supportive father, but it’s much more productive to look forward than to lament over what could have been.
I hope that you are able to move past your father’s negative influence and be better off for it. Some men are just miserable people.
My sister used to do this with Target.
She was always overdrafting her accounts to the point where my dad actually had to go pay Bank of America $200 to close one of them for her, so she decided ‘fuck banks’ and would just spend her entire paycheck at Target. Whenever she needed cash she would head to Target and return some stuff.