Please don’t be harsh on yourself. You didn’t fall for him - it’s normal to be attracted to others, especially in this case where you get along well. Did you talk to any of your friends? I’m sure they will support you if you ask them to. I had a somewhat similar experience a while ago in an organization, I’m quite active in. May I ask you what organization you’re in?

Very interesting take on the whole subject. Sorry to hear about your depression, but nice to that you made it through.

I started programming because I wanted to have software that didn’t exist and so I had to make it myself. The need (or strong desire) to have a piece of software is still one of the biggest reasons for me to keep working on stuff.

But as others said, I do like the challange. Also when I find a neat solution to a problem, it feels like bringing order to chaos, which is nice.