Fighting an intermittent electrical gremlin on a 2014 dodge caravan. 3.6L of course.

Short history

Periodically, after a few days of no usage, vehicle is audibly sluggish to start, or battery found dead.

When found dead, battery charger faults out on ‘no battery detected’ if battery is connected to vehicle. If battery is disconnected, charged, and reconnected, vehicle will start.

Problem then may not recur for weeks/months.

Problem does not occur when weather is warm. Last occurrence was last March or February.

“Something” is draining the battery, but only when cold and only intermittently. Battery has been swapped.

I have heard of starters doing this. So before winter, I am replacing the starter.

Prior to replacing starter, issue has not occurred. Vehicle was started and moved to location immediately prior to starter replacement.

Starter replacement completed without issue, though I’d like a few minutes alone with the engineers.

After replacing starter, reinstalling cross brace and engine mount, engine was successfully test started. Zero issue. Perfection. Feeling good.

Lowered van off jack stands and started it to repark.

Nothing. No response from starter.

Vehicle logic appears to respond as normal - nonessential loads like radio shut off as normal.

Starter does not make any sound.

Vehicle is not responding as if battery is magically dead. Tried boosting anyway. No effect.

Continuity checked on starter fuse. Starter relay swappped with another. No effect.

Electrical connections to starter visually inspected. No sign of trouble. Trigger wire didn’t fall off or something stupid like that.

Where should I look next?