Option B:
A farewell letter from the elf. Based on his reports to the big guy, it has been determined that the children are at low risk of being on the naughty list, and further observation is not warranted. He has been reassigned to another post and has enjoyed his time with them.
Then burn it, bury the ashes, and piss on the spot.
Update #5.
Not sure if anyone is reading this. Got to it again after work today.
Reinstalled the original starter. I’m getting good at this. It’s still up on stands, but I got it down to under 25 minutes from popping the hood to successful test start.
Original starter works. Every. Single. Time.
The new one has got to be defective somehow. It’s the only answer.
When I get a new new one, I wonder if I can get that swap under 20min.
Have made a long insulated probe to check voltage at battery terminal of starter. Confirmed voltage on starter battery terminal.
Update #6.
This is for nobody who’s going to read this but maybe you’re here from a Google search.
It was a defective starter. New one works perfectly.
Got my time down to 19:32.