Hi everyone, I’m a french man of 31 years old going through a pretty intense depression after spending much of my 20s on the road. I am now in australia in a beautiful coastal town where life is sweet and people are incredibly nice. Thing is: I have been awfully depressed for the last year. I’ve seen most of my friends settling down, establishing themselves in France or australia long term through intense efforts to obtain their permanent residency getting married etc. I always saw myself living abroad, but never made so much effort to settle down anywhere. I’ve only worked in hospitality in the various countries I visited after obtaining my master’s degree in business (which I feel now is what people do when they don’t know what to do for a living). I consider myself open minded, speak three languages fluently, but I always had trouble with anxiety and self confidence. Now that I feel my travel life to be over, I am wondering what to do next. I feel like moving back home with my parents and look for a job somewhere in Barcelona or Toulouse where my family is. But I’m afraid my resume will make me unemployable anywhere. I’m also scared about my financial situation and my capacity to readapt to Europe after living in countries where life was so much easier. I feel like I just need a bit of shared experiences or encouragement. Anyway, it’s good to let it out.
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Hey there,
Sorry to hear you are depressed im also depressed for the same reasons but as a returned expat to Australia. I think what you are feeling is completely normal and it appears your values have changed. Maybe talking to a therapist and doing some values exercises could help set a new direction for you. I will implore though that as someone who spent 5 years living over in the UK and Netherlands returning home to Australia wasnt everything i hoped for and now i cant go back to Europe. Id suggest returning to France for a visit and really assessing if it will indeed give you what you are searching because the doors to Australia will close. If you go home for a visit it might help you to feel a bit connected again and make things clearer for you. As for worrying about a job you have a Masters degree and plenty of experience you are totally employable. You can look for a business internship back in France whilst working in hospitality, start a coffee van the options are endless. It wont be easy but it will be different and allow you to re establish yourself in line with your values. Have some faith things will work out.
I’d definitely not compare with others. This is the thing I learnt the hardest. How long will you survive comparing? Now the comparison is between you and friends, next in line is your richest friend, then the mayor, then the governor and then the president and then? Umm, Elon Musk, and ?
You see it doesn’t end anywhere. Nor will you climb this ladder and make it happy(it will in fact make you depressed because these are not “your” goals). Live your life to the fullest my friend. Not someone’s.
31/Female here.Never been married. No kids. No plans either. Yes- pressure is there. But I just ignore it.
Reaching the age of 30 or (being in your 30s) does not inherently entail the necessity of either matrimony or parenthood. Yes it’s normal to be aware and see it as “ it’s there” but my me me me approach is way more important than “settling”. Just because I’m not getting any younger. I’m too adamant to change my ways and too selfish to share LOL
I lived abroad for a few years and when i would return home nobody gave a fuck. Nobody wanted to hear my travel stories and it seemed everyone just moved on. I returned abroad and settled in one place. I stopped leaving that city every weekend for trips. Instead I just hung out at the same bar every weekend and eventually met people. I even got a job and started hanging out with coworkers. I also got off social media and quit checking out what my friends and family were doing back home. I realized that I felt depressed when I checked.
It’s completely normal to feel this way. You will also have those things it just takes time. I believe one finds a place they feel comfortable and you settle there. One you plant roots everything falls into place. I wish you well.
I feel you brother. Similar age and also came to Australia as a backpacker originally.
Studied a similar degree back home as well and I think it’s normal to have such feelings about it. Our generation were more or less encouraged to get ANY degree, even if it wasn’t necessary to enter a particular field.
How you feel about people back home and family moving on is also completely normal. It’s just one of the trade offs for going travelling and seeing the world unfortunately.
How did you go with getting your PR here. Any luck?
I’ve worked in this late night music venue/pub for a couple years but never got full time hours, and getting tired of late night hospitality tbh. I feel really demotivated and it shows. So work another 2 or 3 years to (maybe) get PR seem not just far fetched but unwanted. What about you?
Man i do get it. That field of work has a time limit I feel. Eventually you have to move on or you get burned out.
What visa were you even on all this time?
I’ve had a right roller coaster of a journey.
Came to Australia back in 2016 and did the usual backpacking route, over to New Zealand, South East Asia etc.
I ended up going back to Sydney on a working holiday visa, starting out sleeping with my suitcase in this basement hostel room.
Eventually found an advertising company to sponsor me but the government at the time were much more anti immigration and abolished most of the easier option, so it was strictly “temporary” for 4 years, with no pathway to PR.
I spend quite a lot on various immigration agents to explore potential ways round it but it was too risky and they were trying to charge me well over $12,000, with no guarantee it would work.
Then covid hit, complicating things further. I moved down to Melbourne for a while to try and reduce my living costs (whilst working remotely for the same company)
Then moved to a smaller town in Victoria as a last ditch effort to secure a regional visa (494) that would allow me to stay in the country before my current one expired.
Moved there and literally, one month before it was due to expire, the new labour government got in and changed a bunch of rules…meaning I was suddenly able to apply for PR.
It was honestly so much bullshit and sacrifice. Over 6 years of constantly moving around and worrying about losing my job and being kicked out, all for them to turn round and change their mind at the last minute.
So now I’m here, finally free of visa worries and will most likely apply for citizenship but was it worth the mental distress? Probably not.
I still have those same conflicted feeling as you, wanting to return home to family and old friends but I know it wouldn’t be the same as before.
I mean fuck I left when I was just 24. So much has changed since then and the majority of my former social group has moved on and have families.
Interesting that you still feel it after getting your PR. I think if I had it I’ll make money in Oz and spend most of the rest of the time in Europe. I’ve got about a year and a half of visas back to back. I could really try to move around and find a sponsor (I feel like I need to get out of my town) for the next six months, but with no luck it could be time to go home. I’d still have another year of whv to use in the next 4 years worst come the worst… tricky!