I’m a waitress. As long as you’re not making a mess, and you’re keeping company with people who are patronizing the establishment, you’re fine. You said you’re filling your own water bottle? Sounds like you’re making no additional work for the service staff, so don’t worry about it.

As a person who worked in the industry for a decade, they clearly don’t care, or they would have said something. I’d only care if you were starting trouble and that is clearly not the case. Some bars will care about bringing in outside food or drinks, but that’s about it.

My honest advice: just order a water from the bar. In most bars (at least in America) the water is free and the bartender will just assume you’re the DD, and it might shut your clearly crazy/controlling friend there up.

I would go with something along the lines of: “it’s called responsibility, Friend. I have my own finances to consider, and I am not responsible for the bookkeeping of this establishment. There is no drink minimum. Let the bar’s business be theirs, mine be mine, and yours be your own.”

You’re not a bum. She’s being rude saying so.

The business is there to make money, so naturally they want everybody there to spend money. And businesses have been very successful in making people think they have to justify their presence. It’s ok to not have something squeezed out of you just for being there. If it’s a problem for the business, let them speak up, but having people try and shame others into doing things they don’t want to do is not behavior I would want in my social groups.

It sounds like THEY chose the bar as a meeting place. It’s not your fault that’s where they chose to associate. Did anyone say, “Let’s meet at the bar to hang out, but only those that buy bar stuff?” I doubt it. You shouldn’t feel pressured at all. It’s her problem. In fact, as far as I’m concerned SHE should be the one to leave if she’s uncomfortable. Or here’s an idea, she could offer to treat you to some onion rings or something, instead of complaining. If I sensed that someone in my group was not buying at the bar we meet in, every time, I’d start to think that person either had a drinking problem or didn’t have the money to buy there. Either way, I wouldn’t bring it up. I wouldn’t want to embarrass the person. I’d probably just buy an extra large something, or “accidently” order two of something and offer it up to that person.

You’re not doing anything wrong. As far as the name caller is concerned, find a way to respond to her politely yet firmly. Don’t sink to her level, or create reasons for others to criticize your behavior, but don’t take her abuse, either.

Perhaps act surprised if she brings it up again. “I told you that I don’t buy things from bars, and that I’d continue this behavior. What is unclear about that?” You have explained yourself as thoroughly as you need to. Don’t let her put you on the defensive. If she wants to make it an issue, that’s her problem. It’s her turn to explain herself.

You are not doing anything wrong. Bars are overpriced

Tell her to buy you something if she’s uncomfortable lol

On a serious note, are you getting table service or are people going up to the bar and ordering? If table service, I can see why some people might find it awkward, but I don’t think it’s bad to do. If you have to go up to the bar to order, then I don’t even see why she’d think it’s weird.

What a ridiculous thing to start throwing shade about. You’re there with a group and the group is spending money. I always see people just having water or soda out with a drinking group. Bars even give that out free sometimes, for a designated driver situation. If anything I would guess she has an insecurity about going out drinking at the bar and needs you to be doing the same or else she thinks it makes her look bad.

I read a couple of answers here, but I thought I’d give my 2 cents anyway. I mostly agree with the others that said it’s not a big deal and seems to be a principle of hers.

I saw that you’re not from the US. In Germany, there’s an unwritten rule that you never bring any kind of food or beverage to a restaurant. We have other fun stuff like most restaurants not giving out free water or charging you for using the toilet if you haven’t bought anything.

I could see her being upset with you if you drank your own water and ate your own food in the restaurant. But, again, that’s only from my German point of view.

Look, she’s obviously being passive aggressive towards you. The guy saying “tell her to buy you something if she’s uncomfortable” is spot on. She’s trying to shame you over being different, aka tall poppy syndrome. Show some teeth or she will keep pecking at you. Yes, talk it with the group. If everyone agrees with this bitch it’s time to find yourself better friends. You shouldn’t be providing an excuse for why you don’t want to buy or consume something. Maybe you are not hungry, or you don’t want to drink alcohol that late on a weekday or maybe you do intermittent fasting- who knows, what gives, wtf. Seriously.

She sounds like a jerk. You sound perfectly normal to me. And having worked in fast food in the past, I can assure you, nobody cares. Now if it’s busy and your whole group is taking up table space and not ordering/fine eating, it’s polite to leave (especially if it’s a sit-down place where they rely on tips), but that’s about it.

You are not doing anything wrong. She is a bitch.

Just tell her, “I didn’t pick the place, you all did. If you’d like me to leave, I will.”

I don’t know your local customs, but I would say it is normal for a large group to have one or two people not buy something, but also normal to enforce a no outside food or drink policy. Personally, I wouldn’t feel weird not ordering, but I wouldn’t eat or drink outside food or beverage while there.

If someone commented on it I’d just ignore them and if pressed, tell them if the bar has a policy they need to post it. Her getting upset is likely second hand embarrassment due to their own insecurities.