It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.
But how do you feel it?
Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.
There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)
Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.
So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?
i like me.
everyone else is optional
There’s a meme image I once saw that spoke to me.
It went; “Stop trying to be liked by everybody, when you don’t even like everybody”
And that’s so fucking true for someone such as me. You can’t please everyone, so you should stop trying because there’s thousands to possibly millions of people out there who simply live that spiteful and bitter lifestyle as their entire persona.
Who matters to me are the people I’ve personally befriended. It doesn’t hurt to co-exist and be kind to those who give it to you.
But everyone else, fuck them.
Yeah, people are full of shit. The way I approach this is just to try and understand if I’m the asshole (or Hanlon’s razor equivalent), or they are. If it’s their issue, it doesn’t really bother me anymore that they don’t like me, and they’re just an obstacle rather than a peer.
That’s just my experience though. And yeah, written out it sounds kind of harsh, but I’m going to say it’s better than becoming even more of a nervous wreck than I already am.
Do you like everyone? Probably not. Just because people don’t like each other doesn’t mean something is wrong. You can even love somebody and want nothing to do with them.
It may sound a little silly but when I get good feedback on something, I pop it in my journal under a specific tag so I can revisit it from time to time.
It’s unfortunate that people are unfair to you, possibly they are younger or otherwise have incorrect expectations about your fallibility as a human.
I used to respond to things like that but these days I let the positive comments speak for themselves. Just remember to ask for feedback- a lot of people otherwise won’t do it unless they’ve got something negative to say.
possibly they are younger or otherwise have incorrect expectations about your fallibility as a human.
The majority of them are almost double my age actually 😛
Walk away, go home and enjoy your life. Block them if they’re online pricks.
Move on, carry on, smoke a joint and pet a kitten or puppy or something.
Some people are just looking for something to complain about because they are unhappy people anyway. That has nothing to do with you. Some people are complete idiots, go read some Amazon reviews. My favorite is about a Rice Paddle (plastic) that you only use with an electric rice maker. One reviewer said it was crap because it melted. Clearly they used it with a regular pan and had no idea what they bought. If you like yourself and the people you care about and respect like you, no one else really matters. It’s nice to be liked, but respecting and caring for yourself is the most important thing to remember. And sometimes (too many times actually), having some people like you can be a liability. Some people are just horrible and will latch on to you and spread their toxicity. It can be a real gift to not be liked by these people. Not being liked is not always a bad thing. The Sun shines on both sides of the planet!
Wish I could help with the strategy. I don’t deal with this in any way, I genuinely don’t care if someone likes me or not. I actually don’t think about it. I understand this can be a problem and mess with one’s confidence in a situation like yours, but the numbers speak for themselves - you are in a good place.
around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.
Don’t focus on the ones that don’t like you. Focus on the ones that do. Unless there is something constructive in the negative reviews, you can safely ignore them.
There’s a point I reached where I mostly just stopped caring. I also don’t like a lot of people, so I suppose the feeling is at least sometimes mutual.
More to your actual point, learning to deal with criticism is a skill and it can be very tough sometimes for everyone. I normally try to think of how that comment is wrong and, if it’s not, how I can learn and grow from whatever criticism is. Don’t sweat honest mistakes; just try to put systems in place to avoid them (I’m a fan of checklists for some things). For personal attacks or unrelated, just ignore them.
Honestly, I just assume no one likes me. It makes life easier. I don’t mean this in, like, an incel way or anything. More like I don’t assume anyone likes me until they give me a reason to think otherwise. I don’t assume they’re hostile, but I do assume I probably just rub them the wrong way, and that, again, unless they give me a reason to believe otherwise, just move on. It makes life easier. I’m rarely disappointed with social interactions, and sometimes very, very pleasantly surprised
Many people suffer from impostor syndrome to a degree. Many people make mistakes even when it comes to subject matters they are very familiar with. Everyone has technical problems every now and then - that’s outside of your control. Technology is finicky and increasingly shit.
You’ll always get people who think they know better than you, or could do something better than you. But they aren’t. You are. You got where you are through your work and experience. As long you feel that you’re prepared to the best of your ability and knowledge, I think your conscience can be clear.
You will never have everyone you meet like you. Some people are just basic shitheads, and some of them will write reviews like that precisely to gaslight you into doubting yourself and your abilities. They do it for kicks. If 95% of your reviews are positive, you’re in a good place.
70% of people are idiots so you’re doing pretty well. Only 9/10 dentists can agree on a toothpaste ffs!
I stopped caring. Most people just love to complain. They’re not even thinking about you as much as themselves. Just imagine they’re people from Lemmy. Random people saying dumb things in an attempt to make themselves feel superior because they are lacking something in life.
Do your best, try not to fuck with people, and know that no one exists but you.
work on your self-confidence and self esteem. go check a psychologist.
I’m a 36 year old professor. My only negative evaluation this past semester was that I didn’t give homework. Though, most of them hated my guts from using grades to tell them their work was mostly average. <Insert Boomer comment about participation trophies>
The students realized they needed to change to improve their grades. And subsequently, they grew the way I expected, which was far more than they thought they would. They recognized I was teaching them more than the material: I was teaching them the meta. That was valuable enough to them to forgive me for being such a dick about the numbers that define their self worth.
So, want the students to give you those glowing 10/10 evaluations? Piss them off and make them glad that you did. Give them something of value that no one has. But, based off of how much you seem to care about the difference between a 95% and 100%, I think, much like my students, you are chasing your participation trophy. Think on it.
