Bob

Sometimes people fall from an aircraft and bounce jovially off the ground; sometimes people turn their heads too quickly and tear the fabric keeping their windpipe in place.

Skoda

They’re Czech. The name even has a little thing on the S, officially.

I did that a lot as a kid, as well as having to scratch e.g. my left arm if I’d just scratched my right arm. I had to put my first step on a new surface with my left foot and the last with my right, and I had a system of sort of aping something I’d just heard by grinding my teeth, which I still sort of do sometimes but only in my head because my teeth have grown in such a way that I can’t really do it any more.

I remember I used to eat a bag of crisps by holding the bag in my right hand and picking with my left, until one day I decided that was stupid, and rather than just giving up dictating which hand did what, I switched hands.

Have you tried explaining in your native language that you don’t speak that language? They love it.

It’s higher milk production when the milk that would’ve gone to the calf goes to people. I think that’s easy enough to understand and uncontroversial to say.

Talk about pigeonholed.

I remember reading a news story about a group of hikers who’d accidentally got off the last train at this station: https://www.osmap.nl/#15/56.7603/-4.6888

A friend of mine once said he’d join the army only because he didn’t have anything to live for, but I ended up helping him get a job on the railway and now he’s a train driver, and a good one at that.

Human creativity always finds a conduit, eh.

“Dad’s awfully noisy in the toilet these days!” “It’s his new bidet! He says it cleans his arse to the bone!” “To the bone, you say?”

To the bone, you say!

I had a temp job in 2006 where I’d have to reply to e-mails for a car insurance company, and it was so mind-numbing I’d be typing out the templates instead of copy-pasting just to pass the time. At a given point I decided to start signing all my e-mails with fake names beginning with R, so Roger, Robbie, Reg… I think I’d flown too close to the sun when the manager stood up and called out, “and who the fuck is Ruddiger?”

the British accent

Hold back, lads! He doesn’t know what he’s saying!

To the bone, you say?

E 18: Sufficient freedom of movement.

a. All hens must have sufficient freedom of movement to be able, without difficulty, to stand normally, turn around, and stretch their legs and wings.

b. They must also have sufficient space to be able to perch or sit quietly without repeated disturbance to other birds.

That’s, without meaning to sound cute, paltry.

I suppose “here” isn’t the EU then. 😬 https://food.ec.europa.eu/animals/animal-welfare/eu-animal-welfare-legislation/animal-welfare-farm/laying-hens_en

Sounds familiar, living in the Netherlands where farmers had years and subsidies to reduce reliance on livestock for the environment, then protested when the rules came into force and they hadn’t used the time or subsidies to prepare.

I think you can find a middle ground between “I assume they’d come and politely discuss it” and “I think constantly whether my every single minor action can offend someone”.

Once I decided to end my contract with Virgin Media and they kept asking me why I was leaving, so I kept saying I didn’t want to explain, I’d just cancel (because I knew they’d do their best to talk me around) and it got to the point where I became firm, but I didn’t shout, though I wanted to.

Tangentially related: after I’d signed up to the Telephone Preference Service, I knew that the only people ringing me to sell stuff were doing so illegally, so if they persisted after I’d made that point, I used to just verbally abuse them. Right cathartic.

This motherfucker when their wife tells them about their day: there was no beginning, middle, or end; the climax wasn’t revealed in chronological order; the hero is clearly a Mary-Sue…