I can’t really talk about this with my family without them flipping out on me, so I hope I can have some advice before I reveal it to them.

(I am also unsure if this is the right subreddit to ask for advice, but if it isn’t, redirection would be helpful!)

For some context; I (18) was born and raised in Southern California and moved once within the state due to financial issues. In 2019/2020, my family and I moved to S Korea due to my father’s job (related to military/govt. stuff I actually don’t know what he does). I spent my final highschool years at an international school in Seoul, and I graduated recently. Currently for education, I do a sort of online community college as the schooling situation for me was difficult, that the military pays somewhat for. I do not have a job, and all my friends have left the country, and I cannot speak Korean at a conversational level; I feel miserable and bored. Due to this lack of knowing the language, I cannot do lots of things (martial arts, job) that require specific instruction.

My lifestyle seems to be clashing with my own family members that I live with, and tensions are getting higher, and I am becoming less and less enthusiastic about living here. It seems like I have to act in a certain way that avoids things that may start ‘trouble’, like mental health, and a seemingly crazy standard of ‘respect’. I am also a very social person, and having no social interaction besides my own family is starting to get kind of stale, as it most likely may end in small disagreements that ultimately blow up.

I would like to move back to California in search of more life experience, rather than sitting idly. As for where I may stay, I am planning to ask my cousins if their parents would be okay with me crashing until I could get on my own feet, as they go to college and commute from their house. The reason why I mention this is because before I graduated, they offered for me to live with them while I went to school there (I declined because of a lot of personal issues) and they are quite a bit well off as they said I wouldn’t need to pay rent if I stayed.

I am grateful for the opportunities and experiences I have had here in Korea, however this style of life is not for me as it is quite literally making me feel like I am not living, and frankly being around my family is making me live on edge at all times. I would like to have a job and be able to drive, and have similar life experiences, as my older brother a few years older than me, has none and is a bit socially awkward and way to laid back, lazy almost. To be frank, I would not like to become that kind of person, as we were often regarded to be similar people when we were younger. While I do understand that there is definitely going to be a lot of hardships coming up, my life experiences, compared to peers my age, is simply elementary, and quite a bit embarrassing (imo).

Any advice is welcome, and thank you for taking the time to read this far! <3

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TDLR: Unhappy with my stale and boring life in the current country I am in due to a lack of important life skills/experiences. Want to move back to my home state with other family members in search of opportunities to have such life experiences, and generally more opportunities that fit my lifestyle.

  • briggeysmallsBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    I think move back, at least for now. I had a similar experience being from California and living ~5 years in the UK. Did my undergrad there, was forced to move back to California since getting a visa was impossible before they had the graduate route, then COVID happened within a few months of me moving to SF and getting a job, so I decided to do a masters in London after I saved up. Moved back and stayed there for a year and a half but was miserable overall. I loved being able to live and study there, and I miss the friends I made, but ultimately I was like you — wasting away and not meshing well with the culture and people (and weather lol). I found that most days after work once I graduated I wasn’t going out to explore London anymore, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything there I couldn’t do anywhere else, I was isolating, I felt lonely, so I moved back.

    I still worry it was the “wrong decision” since the US has its problems too — I was about to move back to the UK this month and panicked massively the day before my flight. We’re talking crying the entire day, breaking down stressed about all the struggle to move and start over so far away again (and if it didn’t work out in a year before my visa expired then facing the fact that I’d have to move back AGAIN) and ultimately, I like being back in California, at least for now. You can always go and explore another country in the future but it sounds like being around other family and back in a familiar place where you can speak to people will be good for you. People here are friendly and welcoming, it’s diverse. Get yourself some classes, maybe a job to earn some savings, and figure out what you want, not what your peers or family wants. I’m definitely still in that mindset of “what will people think of me” and “am I taking a step back for not living abroad still” but our lives are only about us, not everyone else.

    I’m still trying to figure it out too and I eventually see myself trying another country (once I have a better idea of what I want to do with my life) but it’s reassuring knowing you have time to figure it all out. If you give california a try and it’s not for you then at least you know you gave it a shot.