Please do give it a try, I think you’re basing your perception of the US on social media and news which obviously is going to paint a certain picture in your mind. Obviously every city and state and place is different but I’ve lived in multiple cities of California and spent a summer in Rhode Island and I don’t feel unsafe regularly. I am not thrilled about the prospect of guns either but you really aren’t at risk on a daily walk — I go hiking alone as a woman and have never experienced any issues. I say all of this as someone who isn’t sure I want to spend my life in America forever, but who is also trying to see the good and opportunity of it.

I understand what you miss about Europe but I promise you that any place you live there are robberies. My friend in London captured an attempted murder just outside her window the other night. I think you are projecting some of your frustrations with adapting to a new place to being US issues — when I lived in London planning a trip to another country was still effort and I had to do research just like anywhere else. Yes, budget airlines don’t exist here, but it’s no different flying between states. I think the biggest drawback is to how reliant on cars it is to travel here.

You speak about the states as if you’ve personally been robbed every day you’ve been here, and speak about the Middle East as a safe haven but I would like to assume there are these issues like robberies in the Middle East, just maybe not right in front of you or around you. Same as here, and any robberies I’ve witnessed were never violent, and I’ve worked in retail plenty. I sympathise with you changing to this new lifestyle and i also feel that the US isn’t some dream location, but it’s not an awful place to live. If you set it up to be a disappointment in your mind then you will keep looking for reasons to be disgruntled. Once you have a routine it’ll get a bit better, you’ll be able to find some hobbies and people to settle yourself in

I understand your struggle and emotions but I also have to ask, what specifically about America is it that you dislike? Aside from the time difference and being far away from family (which are valid reasons, but that’s not US specific stuff) what have you been doing in the 4 days that has shown you that life will be worse? I say this as an American who moved to the UK and has become disillusioned with the States but can also acknowledge how friendly and diverse the people are, and how much there is to do and see.

Yes it’ll be different and culture shock is very real, but you aren’t settled there, you don’t have a home or a routine or hobbies yet. You’ll have to make an effort to actively live there and build a life, a community of people, and slowly it’ll start to come together. If after a year or so it isn’t a right fit at least you tried and know, but for now see it as an opportunity to explore a new place. I hope things look up for you soon, hang in there

I think move back, at least for now. I had a similar experience being from California and living ~5 years in the UK. Did my undergrad there, was forced to move back to California since getting a visa was impossible before they had the graduate route, then COVID happened within a few months of me moving to SF and getting a job, so I decided to do a masters in London after I saved up. Moved back and stayed there for a year and a half but was miserable overall. I loved being able to live and study there, and I miss the friends I made, but ultimately I was like you — wasting away and not meshing well with the culture and people (and weather lol). I found that most days after work once I graduated I wasn’t going out to explore London anymore, I didn’t feel like I was doing anything there I couldn’t do anywhere else, I was isolating, I felt lonely, so I moved back.

I still worry it was the “wrong decision” since the US has its problems too — I was about to move back to the UK this month and panicked massively the day before my flight. We’re talking crying the entire day, breaking down stressed about all the struggle to move and start over so far away again (and if it didn’t work out in a year before my visa expired then facing the fact that I’d have to move back AGAIN) and ultimately, I like being back in California, at least for now. You can always go and explore another country in the future but it sounds like being around other family and back in a familiar place where you can speak to people will be good for you. People here are friendly and welcoming, it’s diverse. Get yourself some classes, maybe a job to earn some savings, and figure out what you want, not what your peers or family wants. I’m definitely still in that mindset of “what will people think of me” and “am I taking a step back for not living abroad still” but our lives are only about us, not everyone else.

I’m still trying to figure it out too and I eventually see myself trying another country (once I have a better idea of what I want to do with my life) but it’s reassuring knowing you have time to figure it all out. If you give california a try and it’s not for you then at least you know you gave it a shot.