Hey guys. I’m 25F. I was raised in the Middle East, Dubai/Bahrain and have had a fabulous life there. I moved to italy a couple of years ago and loved it way more than I liked the Middle East. It started to feel like home there. I’m a national of a horrible weak country so I don’t have the option to just pack my bags up and move.
My husband is American so I moved to America about 4 days ago but am finding it extremely hard to adjust. I’ve travelled here before but have not loved it as much so moving here permanently has been extremely challenging. I keep crying everyday no matter what I do, I’m struggling to adapt and fit in.
Any advice to overcome this?
I had an absolute mental CRISIS the first week when I moved from the US to France. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed, questioned everything that led me to that decision, wanted to just book a flight out immediately. I remember on day 4 or 5 feeling like I had been there for week because every day felt so long. I wasn’t eating/could barely stomach the thought of food and was so overwhelmed with fears and with all of the new sights…sounds…people…fears. Add on the timezone difference to family/friends and I was convinced my life was over. It does get better I promise! Try Bumble BFF app, it’s commonly used in a lot of the US and it will help you make friends. Each time you leave your new home and make it back safely will feel like an accomplishment - leave as often as you can to encourage yourself to know that you can! Some other ideas:
*Go to your nearest Target, grab a coffee at Starbucks there, and just stroll around. *Find a walking trail nearby and go for an afternoon walk *Go see a movie! *Go to Barnes & Noble and read for a while in their cafe *Look up where you could go for a little weekend trip nearby and start planning a trip. Even if you cant go for a while, planning it can bring excitement. *Start making a journal of nearby necessities: Where the doctors/urgent care centers are, grocery stores, bakeries, etc. Even having that knowledge ready and available can lower your stress level.
While she didn’t move countries for me, my wife(girlfriend at the time)moved half way across Canada, a very large country, to follow me. She hated it in our new city. She had a very tough time adjusting. She also gave up a much better job than the new one she took on. I’ve always felt grateful for her making this sacrifice. She finally confirmed in me after about 6 months. She hid it from me very well. Now almost 24 years later, I am looking at making the move half way across Canada for her. It will cost me a very good job, but she’s worth it, and she did it for me. I’m sorry none of that will really help you, but you really need to speak to your husband. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to speak to someone professionally. There are people out there to speak to. I wish you the best.
You left Italy for the US ?
You must really love your partner, because nothing on this earth could get me out of Italy.
It’s paradise over here, the language, the people, the food, the nature, the beaches, the climate.
If you have a good paying job over here, life is way better than in the US.
Man … love makes people do some questionable stuff.
It’s all in your head man, things will clear up for you in time. I know it’s kinda vague advice, but it’s just cliche and true. I felt your way and 3 years later I don’t even like going back to my home country.
I understand your struggle and emotions but I also have to ask, what specifically about America is it that you dislike? Aside from the time difference and being far away from family (which are valid reasons, but that’s not US specific stuff) what have you been doing in the 4 days that has shown you that life will be worse? I say this as an American who moved to the UK and has become disillusioned with the States but can also acknowledge how friendly and diverse the people are, and how much there is to do and see.
Yes it’ll be different and culture shock is very real, but you aren’t settled there, you don’t have a home or a routine or hobbies yet. You’ll have to make an effort to actively live there and build a life, a community of people, and slowly it’ll start to come together. If after a year or so it isn’t a right fit at least you tried and know, but for now see it as an opportunity to explore a new place. I hope things look up for you soon, hang in there
As cliche as it sounds, honestly it’s mostly the safety aspect of things I guess. In the Middle East, you could walk around wherever you wanted & you’d be safe and wouldn’t run into neighborhoods that were not safe or full of drugs etc. the guns absolutely terrify me to no end and I’m trying to move past that mentality but it’s very hard to. It’s the fear of getting robbed, or a shooting breaking out I guess?
Other than that, I would say it’s the tax culture with a little bit of the tipping lifestyle that I dislike but obviously don’t base the whole country on. It seems like there is a lot to do here but it’s not as simple as booking a flight to someplace and going care free (I did that before with San Francisco and it was a nightmare of a trip). I feel like I need to research a lot here and it can be draining sometimes especially if I’m not used to it.
I love what America has to offer, don’t get me wrong. Every country has its pros and cons, italy has a lot of robberies but none of them ever were life threatening, they’d just take your stuff and run away without you knowing. The Middle East had absolutely nothing. It’s the cost of living with a big factor for safety that scares me a little bit but after talking to a lot of people, I’ve realized that it doesn’t really happen that often so I’m trying to give it a genuine try!
Please do give it a try, I think you’re basing your perception of the US on social media and news which obviously is going to paint a certain picture in your mind. Obviously every city and state and place is different but I’ve lived in multiple cities of California and spent a summer in Rhode Island and I don’t feel unsafe regularly. I am not thrilled about the prospect of guns either but you really aren’t at risk on a daily walk — I go hiking alone as a woman and have never experienced any issues. I say all of this as someone who isn’t sure I want to spend my life in America forever, but who is also trying to see the good and opportunity of it.
I understand what you miss about Europe but I promise you that any place you live there are robberies. My friend in London captured an attempted murder just outside her window the other night. I think you are projecting some of your frustrations with adapting to a new place to being US issues — when I lived in London planning a trip to another country was still effort and I had to do research just like anywhere else. Yes, budget airlines don’t exist here, but it’s no different flying between states. I think the biggest drawback is to how reliant on cars it is to travel here.
You speak about the states as if you’ve personally been robbed every day you’ve been here, and speak about the Middle East as a safe haven but I would like to assume there are these issues like robberies in the Middle East, just maybe not right in front of you or around you. Same as here, and any robberies I’ve witnessed were never violent, and I’ve worked in retail plenty. I sympathise with you changing to this new lifestyle and i also feel that the US isn’t some dream location, but it’s not an awful place to live. If you set it up to be a disappointment in your mind then you will keep looking for reasons to be disgruntled. Once you have a routine it’ll get a bit better, you’ll be able to find some hobbies and people to settle yourself in
Thank you! I really appreciate that x we went down to SC for house viewings and stuff and it honestly put my mind to ease a lot. I know I won’t adapt in a week and that it would take time but I’m giving it my everything! I’m extremely excited to start my life here & appreciate every input I’ve got from this community. It really did change the way I view the situation I’m in right now, it’s just a battle with my mind really haha. Thank you again xx