Or, would you say most women actually perfer submissive men?
To be more specific, I’m talking about men who are submissive in their role in the relationship as a partner and also sexually.
It’s an interesting, I guess, maybe taboo sort of topic that I would like opinions on.
Thank you for reading.
I sense that the question belies a mindset that romance is a numbers game, and I am eager to point out that it’s not. Success in love, in my experience, comes from the willingness to share yourself with others and the courage to be vulnerable.
Don’t worry about how many people would like what you’ve got to offer. Focus on genuine connections with the people in your orbit, and branch out from there.
Caveat: unless you’re surrounded by abusers
Far more effective than avoiding pain is learning to take it and keep moving. The former reduces one’s territory to ever smaller sizes. The latter expands one’s territory.
So yeah. Go ask people out. Take the risks, get rejected, open up again. If you can. If you can’t you’re fucked, so it’s best to assume you can and keep trying as if it will work. Because you never lose a moment by trying.
In my experience, on the whole, no. I’ve found being a submissive man actively repulses many women, some will entertain it but aren’t into it, and a very small minority enjoy being dominant- and a significant number of those charge for it.
Pro dommes wouldn’t be a thing if submissive men were more universally accepted.
There’s all kinds of reasons for this and there is no one size fits all answer. I speak only from my experience.
This is my experience too. Thank you for telling the truth.
A friend who was into the kink scene once told me there were definitely dominant women around. But then we did a scene together, and since then I don’t trust that guy’s conception of sex at all. His whole thing was to torture me. Honestly I don’t think the sex was even a thing for him. He’d be perfectly happy just hurting people for the mob or something.
It is hard to estimate but in general I would say there are more submissives of any gender than dominants interested in them.
Which is basically why we had WW2
I like submissive men, and generally am downright turned-off by dominant men. Am I the norm? Probably not. I think there are more subs than Doms just in general, but especially among women
But I’m just answering your question as presented. Another has already commented some decent love advice if you’re asking about this stuff as pertaining to you
I will add, though, that while strictly in a D/s dynamic, women are subs more often than Dommes, in any dynamic that strays from BDSM, the submissive tendencies are just sort of a spice when they come up, and that, if you’re using the word submissive to describe a man who isn’t conventionally masculine (Or maybe toxic masculine), you’re probably better off. We wanna feel safe with who we’re with, and outside of BDSM, you’ll probably have better luck as a gentle, emotionally intelligent, confident person. Some people might describe that as submissive
In new relationships where the topic of kink hasn’t come up yet, there also tends to be an expectation that men (even those of us that are submissive) be dominant to some degree. It often leads to formative behaviors where men who want to be submissive play the switch role at best. Another reason why there may not seem to be as many subs as it appears. It’s a hard habit to break.
there also tends to be an expectation that men (even those of us that are submissive) be dominant to some degree
This is an important point to make, for sure. Things like this will be greatly impacted by things such as cultural norms and expectations, so any statement that says “There are more D men than D women” needs to come with the caveat that there are likely biases in these observations, and that culture and upbringing have an impact, either deciding the ratio, or skewing it
I do tend to default thinking of men as Dominant, and that is in no small part due to culture, but I’ll add that this assumption is specifically outside of the kink community. In BDSM spaces specifically, I expect most men to be subs, but my own experiences could also be because I attract the guys who are looking for their “goth mommy dommy” 😅
Hah, oh no. I’m sure there’s been no shortage of kink “tourism” from guys on the goth mommy front, too. But hey, if it normalizes masc sub behavior, I’m all for it 🤷♂️
Yes. My current dominant personality is a mask I’ve worn for so long it just feels like my face.
Society has lots of such things, especially around gender roles. And the man-as-top sexual role is about as deep as it gets.
I lost three girlfriends as a result of revealing my submissive side. The middle of those three, we even got together on that basis (both of us on acid, her tying me to her bed literally before the first time we kissed).
So I just stopped.
Sorry to hear that. I’m sure it’s especially difficult for those who want the lifestyle outside the bedroom too. My ex was the type that expected me to muscle up (I’m a big person) if someone was mistreating her while we were out instead of de-escalating or walking away. Obviously, that’s not my style, not to mention a good way to get killed.
I’m not looking to play the role 24/7 in a relationship, but it bleeds over enough into everyday life that I feel I can’t get to a point where I have to keep it secret.
I think the observation that there’s more subs than doms, generally speaking, is a salient one and one worth keeping in mind. I honestly wish I had been told that when I was looking actively for a dominant partner because like, yeah you’re almost definitely right it’s just not something I’d ever really thought about bc it’s so much easier to contextualize your own struggle than try to think about the bigger picture
I will not address the sexual aspect, but the social aspect, I know I prefer my guys to be more “submissive.” That doesn’t mean I want them to be quiet and never take charge; it means I want to be the one to take the leading role, take them out for dinner, provide for them, and so on. I prefer guys who are more domestic, down to earth, more in tune with i.e. cooking (since I am not), but I would also like to take them out for shopping trips and feel good knowing I can buy this person a gift. No, this is not the norm; many people still follow and believe in the primitive gender roles as we know them. Some people who read this comment may not even believe me; how could a woman enjoy spoiling a man!? Unbelievable. But no, I genuinely do, and I wish there were more spaces for women like me with preferences like this.
I like being spoiled.
And I baked a crusty loaf of sourdough bread this morning.
Perfect match.
Now kiss
Sourdough starter? I just met the girl!
FYI: there is a difference between wanting a submissive man and wanting to dominate (or break) a powerful man. I imagine there are more women of the latter than the former.
There’s also a difference, in sex terms, between a submissive and a bottom.
I’m masc presenting and I was worried for a while that women tended to not like submissive men, which was really discouraging for me. I found my current partner though, who does, and that’s really changed my perspective. I’m not remarkable in any means (I’m 6’ tall but not conventionally attractive, not thin/don’t have tremendous muscle. Just kinda average) but my perspective has changed from “women don’t like submissive men” to “lots of women do like submissive men, there’s just 1) not a ton of them, 2) they don’t tend to advertise it the same way men do, and 3) they don’t tend to look as intently as submissive men do for dominant partners” – partially because there’s just less dominant women, and partially because I think they find long-term partners that meet those needs and that’s it for them
I’m not gonna tell you it’s easy, it’s not, but I’m a thoroughly unremarkable person that was pretty comfortably in your shoes for a long time and then I lucked out into my partner. The best advice I can give is being a decent person goes a long way towards smoothing over any concerns with dom/sub dynamics, and if that dynamic is important to you it’s good to be open to talking about it even if it results in failure. Find spaces where advertising that is beneficial too, join your local kink community – I’ve been to a few kink events, namely just sloshes and munches, casual stuff out at a bar. Nothing tremendously freaky, but it’s a good place to find women that might be more interested in someone that identifies themselves as a sub. Good luck!!
There are people who prefer other people in specific ways, sometimes.
That’s about as precise as this ridiculous notion can be entertained.
Yeah I’ve found women are way into men who don’t describe themselves as dominant or submissive. It is way more attractive to ditch those ideas and just be a partner.
Sexual kinks are a different thing, but if you’re worried about attracting women as a whole or for a relationship then it’s too early to talk about kinks like that anyway.
98% of appeals to the inherent ambiguity of language are actually people afraid of thinking about a specific topic.
I can’t speak for all of us, but I know I do.
What do you like about interacting with a submissive?
They seem truer to a genuine personality.
I will say that, in order to drive things in the world, I have to put on a mask. I don’t think it’s just me. I think part of being “the one running things”, for some reason, involves the adoption of theater.
You’ve gotten a ton of amazing answers but to help demonstrate the point made about there being as many opinions as they are people, I prefer my domestically submissive, sexually dominant partner. So there’s even more shades to consider.
I think that many societies condition people to believe that men are dominate and women are submissive, so that is still the mainstream, but that doesn’t mean that there are not women that benefit and desire a submissive man in their relationship.
Probably heavily dependant on the culture.
Personally, I believe the two dimensional stereotype is an indicator of intellectual depth. I can’t stand when a (perspective) partner expects me to act a certain way all the time. Like, how about we both focus on making compelling interactions that motivate desire in each other and forget this whole simplified binary frame of reference. Maybe I play hard to get and that tension overflows into my submission. Maybe sending me a pic in the middle of a conference meeting drives me wild by the time I get home. One of the few smart things my father ever said is that relationships are never equal unless you’re putting in 100% of your effort and the other person is doing the same. My perspective is limited, but I think everyone should find someone that compels them to engage in a broad spectrum of interactions and exploration.
That said playing with AI and isolating Western cultural norms based on English language datasets, we are far more misogynistic that most people are willing to openly acknowledge.
One important factor regarding submissives: 2 submissive people, regardless of how attracted they are to each other, are less likely to connect due to their submissive nature. in my opinion, people in general want a dominant person to take charge, excluding sociopaths/psychopaths, due to human laziness.
as for women specifically, from what i’ve seen the majority tend to be submissive, so that goes back to my first point, but also they usually don’t seem to care as long as the guy is over 6 feet tall, has immaculate teeth and they get some kind of benefit from it (money, free meals or rides, status, jewelry etc.) but my opinion there will probably get me all sorts of probably deserved hate. This is mostly theoretical. I’m speculating because I tend to be on the submissive side and i’m jaded as fuck, so take anything I say as worth a grain of salt.
This is a good point. I’m in my early 40s now, and my resolution for this year is to be there for people.
I finally realized it’s not that nobody wants to hang out with me. It’s that nobody wants to hang out with anyone, and the world is losing initiative-taking in general.
So I decided I’m going to be the one to take responsibility for making things happen in terms of getting people together.
First the slapping and now this.
Following thing: It doesn’t matter to you because you won’t date, play or fuck with the majority of gender - there are too many people alive for this.
It’s hard to follow this. You need to put the dots closer together if you want people to connect them.
