Totally unbiased: three consecutive Super Bowl victories

Only one coach can come back and rehabilitate this broken franchise

Was next to Mark Davis at a urinal in a PF Changs bathroom. As he’s zipping up a bunch of hot mustard and soy sauce packets fell out of his jacket. He gathered them up and then looks me in the eye and says “no need for Mr. Chang to find out about this” and slips one of the mustard packets into my back pocket, winks at me and then pats me on the butt and leaves the restroom. Weird as hell.

Kids, I’ve been watching football for years. I’ve been watching football since this team was relevant. I’ve been watching this since before you were born. Hell, even before your parents were born. Cause they must be young and dumb to birth someone this stupid. I’m a Ravens fan but I grew up around cowboys fans before Baltimore got our team back. (and they were good, so circa 2000.) Cowboys are still my NFC team. I may not be as familiar with how contracts work anymore but I damn sure know a stud when I see it. Jimmy G is unquestionably better than Dak. “Hasn’t shown anything in the NFL” is an absolutely baseless claim. I can’t believe people nowadays judge someone based off one game. The first game you watched must have been circa 2016. I promise you first game you watched was easily my thousandth. I guaran-fucking-tee every season I discuss with cowboys fans what needs to be done because I honestly think they’re overhated. But here I am just opening a discussion, not even a “this is what needs to happen”, just a “hey here’s what I think the cowboys should do and why” and I’m treated like an asshole because I didn’t suck off your god Dak. I don’t care if it was an honest statement, I don’t care if it was mind games. I always thought Dak was a good player, but after this stunt, he deserves every criticism he gets. Every interception will be followed with “and you think you’re worth 40m?” I personally never liked the guy but this is just icing on the cake. Can’t wait till this guy is released or traded, I’m gonna come back here next year with my popcorn ready and my lotion in the basket, because the realization of how blind the fanboys are, and the tears of not AT LEAST making it to the NFC championship AGAIN for 23 fucking years in a row

Let me tell you what real football is:

Thats fucking football right there. None of that pansy ass dick tugging smile for the camera bullshit. Men puke, men poop on the field, men deliver their new born baby on the side lines. Fucking hard core dick in the ass butterball foosball fuck it chuck it game time shit. Take it to the showers. Dicks get shoved in places you don’t even remember. We win together we celebrate together. Football is back baby.

I just smashed my TV in front of 30 guests at my party because of the game. My wife just took our crying kids and said they’re all spending the week at a hotel. This team has ruined my life and my party. I can’t handle this anymore. Goodbye Bills. I am no longer a fan. I’m going to support a team that really knows how to support their fans, like the Eagles.

But Jamin Davis comes from a military family

Have hope: if Dan Snyder did it, Woody could do it too!

The Cubs were sad sacks who didn’t win anything for over a century, think about that

You sure about getting rid of Ron?

Commanders

What happens when a stoppable force meets and movable object?

I’m not going anywhere

Wrong, I was on the ‘85 Bears

Not biased: absolutely not

Did they not just watch Washington get stuffed on rushes from the shotgun with short yardage?

Idk about you, but I am hyped for this Aquaman movie

Fuck that guy in particular

It’s damn good

Those first few games were fun, right guys?