"After lots of thought, I’ve made the difficult decision that I am not coming home for holidays this year. For a lot of reasons, it simply isn’t in the cards this time . I feel badly for the disappointing news, but hopefully this is enough notice that I am not included in a gift exchange or other plans. I look forward to video chatting with everyone at a time that is convenient for all of you together. "

I don’t think it’s a great idea to live with her if you’re not going to be working and she is. You’re going to be waiting for her 24/7, in a place where you have no connections, no work and don’t speak the language; whereas she is in her regular element and needs time to want you, needs time to attend to her job, friends, family, life. The magic could turn into an obligation for her quickly.

I think you can either a) Go whole hog and find a job in paris somehow or b) be with her on weekends but for the most part, travel to other places in europe/france during the week at least some of the time so you aren’t suffocating each other.

Alternatively- Is it possible to find an airbnb or such, for a month to start, in a place that is far enough to be affordable but where you can still take a train to go on dates a few times a week?? And then make the assessment of whether you’re ready to cohabitate.

Also, what does SHE want? How does she feel about you moving there? you didn’t mention this anywhere in your post 🤔

I love Japan so much. It is my happy place and I feel so aligned with so much of it- the peace, orderliness, respect. However the systemic objectification of women is a dealbreaker. So, I’d go with Korea.

I love Japan so much. It is my happy place and I feel so aligned with so much of it- the peace, orderliness, respect. But the culture of objectificying women is a dealbreaker, which breaks my heart but I can’t give that one up. So, I’d go with Korea.

Thank you for this very valid comment- we have this ridiculous social expectation in the US that you need to have a dozen close connections and everyone helps everyone out all of the time and the kids should see their grandparents every week.

Other people in your life can be great and helpful, sure, but they can also bring complications. Sometimes less is more and it works out fine to just focus on your nuclear family!

There are a lot of countries on this planet. The pair of you can’t agree on one country, out of all those options, for the sake of staying together…? 🧐

They’re both unwilling to compromise though. She doesn’t want to go to the place he wants to go either, so it’s not like the guy is the hold out

You forgot the most important reason- Tim Horton’s coffee tastes like mud. 😜

Consider it a preview of what will happen every time you come back in the future, and the last nail in the coffin of calling that place your home. I’d change your mindset and see it as a “farewell” trip.

Closure and peace of mind are rare gifts that few every truly get- maybe you have achieved this now. Only you can decide how much your guilt and sense of obligation weighs on you.

Hey OP- What about teaching in Hawaii? They have a huge teacher shortage, pay pretty nicely, and from what I understand the requirements are pretty light- but it’s not my professional field. It might be enough of a flavor of a different country for you… You will definitely have a new culture and perhaps feel safer depending on where you’re coming from; and optionally could learn the language but use English whenever. I saw a job posted for a 9th grade english teacher paying 55-70k or something like that.

Sounds like Estonia is the winner! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

Sounds like Estonia is the winner! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

Sounds like Estonia is the winner! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

Sounds like there’s agreement on that! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

NL is up there with Estonia! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

NL is up there with Estonia! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

NL is up there with Estonia! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

NL is up there with Estonia! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

NL is up there with Estonia! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.

Everyone else agrees on Estonia! Here’s a map of the feedback: map of European efficiency.