I’m just a bit heartbroken and could do with some support.

My partner and I met in a country that we both are not from (I’ve been here for most of my life, but it is notoriously difficult to get permanent residency here so I am on a work visa). We’ve been dating for a year and he’s everything I’ve wanted, and more.

We’ve had a couple of difficult conversations over the last few days and have realised that there’s no way to make this relationship work. I want to move to a country that he has no interest in going to, and vice versa.

I don’t know how to deal with the pain of knowing that this was the right person, just the wrong time. On top of that, is this my fate as an expat? Should I only date once I know where I want to “settle down”, so to speak?

  • Kind-Network9448BEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    If you really want him as your partner and he sees a long term future with you maybe you both could agree on a country you both like. If I really like my partner and see a future with them long term then I’ll go to wherever she wants to go

  • swappybizzBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    I dont think it’s a big deal. Believe me when I say, missing someone can be a very very strong adhesive.

    Now I’m not saying this will fix everything, and please don’t get me wrong…but there will be a huge chance that one of you cave in.

    Even if it doesn’t happen you know YOU did do your bit.

    More over, a couple of tough talks doesn’t seem enough… have like 30 of them. Preferably in from a similar position. Maybe relaxed over a weekend? Not from between a fight or out of visa office . You know what I mean?

  • franckJPLFBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Society is brainwashing you into believing there is a “unique right person”. It’s not the case at all actually. Modern life and all the tools it provides make it possible to find multiple right persons all along your life. So, stop believing in that crap and your life will be much more enjoyable.

    • pricklyvaginaOPBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      You have a fair point. Rationally, I do believe that there are many people you can be compatible with.

      The emotional side of me is getting the better of me, however. Doesn’t help that I have very niche values, and have been told countless times that I’m never gonna find someone. Meeting my partner felt like proving that it was possible, and the fact that I’m losing it is very painful.

  • wheatendoggoBEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    There are a lot of countries on this planet. The pair of you can’t agree on one country, out of all those options, for the sake of staying together…? 🧐

    • pricklyvaginaOPBEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      My partner has very specific ideas about what he wants, and it feels like there’s no space for me in his plans. I don’t want to beg him to try to make it work.